Page 162 of Toxic Kiss

She’s not wrong, but there is no real way to explain it to her.

“Loved or love?”

“What?”

“You said loved. Do you not love me anymore?”

Fear as cold as steel presses into my chest as I wait for her to respond.

“See, this is exactly what I mean. My instinct is to be honest, so I want to tell you how I feel. But a bright red flag is waving in my mind that you will turn around and be a dick and use whatever I say as a weapon against me. Just like always.”

She shakes her head, and her eyes are almost feral when she looks at me.

“And then I’ll just end up another stat. The girl who fell for the bad boy. The girl who always forgave him. The girl who, despite all the warning signs, always went back. And then one day, I’ll wake up and realize that I’m all alone, or worse, I’ll be dead and stuffed in a freezer.”

I snort at the visual.

Haven’s features harden into stone.

“So no. No. I am not telling you shit.”

“I’m not a serial killer.”

“Are you sure? Because you have all the narcissistic traits.”

“Ouch, I’m wounded,” I tease.

Haven crosses her arms, and the fire burning in her eyes is hot as fuck. Maybe I am what she says, because I want to crawl under her skin and soak up that fire.

“Haven, I meant it when I said I love you. I want to know if you love me back.”

“So purposely taking me to a strip club to make me angry is how you show me that you’ve changed, that you love me? God help your enemies if that is how you show affection.”

Her words make me cringe. How badly have I fucked this up?

“Okay, that may not have been the brightest idea. But you acting like you don’t care pisses me off. All I want is for you to fucking admit that you are jealous. That you want me.”

“Ever heard of having a real conversation? Goading me into it when I’m already feeling insecure isn’t the best strategy.”

“I asked you, and all you said was, nope,” I say, mocking her voice.

“Wouldn’t you?” Haven practically snarls at me. “Tell me honestly, Cyrus. If I did to you what you’ve done to me, wouldn’t you shut down?”

Her anger and pain go deep and dark, and it makes me want to destroy the world for her. I’ll crush everything that has ever dared to hurt her, but the problem is…it’s me. It’s always been me.

When she turns her head away, I reach through the bars and grip her hand. She jumps and glances down.

“Yes. I would,” I admit, my voice soft.

“I don’t know how to trust you,” she whispers, and a little piece of my heart crumbles. Her head comes up, and our eyes lock once more. “How I feel is inconsequential if I can’t trust you.”

The silence falls thick around us. Past demons and new aches collide between us.

“You shouldn’t be insecure about anything, not ever. You’ve always been beautiful inside and out. More than I can say for myself. I was…fucked up. Still am. I mean…I’ll always be an asshole, it’s in my nature, but I’m not the guy from high school either.”

Everything from her body language to the mistrust in her eyes screams that I’m a liar, even when she doesn’t say a word. With just a glance, she highlights every mistake of my past.

“I get why you hated me,” Haven says softly, and I know she is referring to our conversation about her father. “I mean, if my mother died and I thought your mother had anything to do with it, I’m not sure how I’d react to you.”