Page 216 of Toxic Kiss

“I’m telling you because I need you to understand that no one has ever touched the parts of myself I keep buried. The parts that will do anything to keep you. That should scare the fuck out of you…because it scares me.”

I wait and let that settle before continuing.

“No one has ever tasted like love and absolution. You do. You always have. It was always you I was chasing when I was busy destroying myself.” I drag in a breath. “And I need you to understand something. My past will come for us. People will throw everything I’ve done in our faces.”

Running a hand down Haven’s arm, she shivers under my touch. I trace her jaw and tilt her head up.

“Let them come.” My voice drops as my lips hover over hers. “I have never told another woman I love her. I’ve never cuddled or let anyone sit in my grief and see the decay underneath. I’ve never let anyone get close enough to the truth of who I am, but you.”

The anger fades slowly from her eyes.

“Only you. I swear.” I shake my head. “I’m a fucking prick. You know that. But I will sacrifice everything I care about for you. The only thing that matters to me is you. And—you’ll still be the only one after they put me in the ground.”

Her mouth opens and closes, and I smirk because I’ve stumped her. She has no smart comeback. Years of hatred, love, and longing burn in my chest. Years of regret have finally found a place to call home.

I kiss her deeply. There is no rushing now. I want to take my time. I want her to see that I’m not just words, and let her feel what she means to me.

Reluctantly, I drag my mouth from hers and stare at her swollen lips. They taste as sweet as freshly picked blueberries and are as refreshing as a spring rain.

Haven’s breathing is a little ragged, and the pulse in her neck beats fast, but it is her eyes that shatters me.

“What?” she whispers.

“I’m trying to understand how I spent years convincing myself I hated you.”

A little smile ghosts across her face.

“And what have you figured out?”

“Sadly, I’m a really good liar.”

Haven gasps as I press closer, my forehead touching hers. Everything about this feels too important to rush. We’ve already done the feverish loss of control, and I loved it, but right now…all I want is to savor her.

“How is it that you can say something that cuts me to my core, and then make me melt in the same breath?”

“Ah, that’s simple.” I smirk and whisper a line from the new song I’ve been working on for Haven. “I was made of vice, not virtue, until your hands made the sinner in me kneel. Now every kiss of yours feels like worship, every breath a penance for wounds that never heal.”

My mouth moves to her neck, and her pulse quickens.

“You never should’ve touched me like I was worth saving, Haven,” I say against her heated skin. “That was your downfall.”

“I fell long before we ever touched,” Haven says softly, turning her head to give me better access. I lick a line up to her ear and love how she gasps as I groan in her ear.

I chuckle. “No, I mean it was your downfall because that’s when I decided you were mine.” Her cheeks burn a bright red as she nibbles on her bottom lip. “Do you know what you do to me, Butterfly?”

“No.”

I lift my head and realize our fingers are linked. Luck and good fortune have always belonged to other men, better men. Then Haven walked back into my life, and I know even monsters like me get one miracle.

HAVEN

“I’m not going to fuck you tonight. No, instead, I’m going to make you feel so worshiped that it terrifies us both,” Cy says.

He releases my wrists, but I keep them over my head. Cy doesn’t say it, but I can see that he’s pleased. In many ways, I have always been and always will be trapped by him. He pushes up, and my gaze follows his hands as he pulls his shirt off and throws it aside.

Thud.

Thud.