Page 33 of We Shouldn’t Do This Again

I look around: the sky is even more leaden than before, the sea is restless, and the silence around me is broken only by the murmur of the waves and the occasional distant bird.

“You can imagine,” I reply as I lean more heavily against the railing. “Very hot, very humid… but it’s beautiful, I won’t lie to you. And with her, everything is… fine.”

I’m not lying entirely. The place is incredible. What I’m not saying is that the beauty of it all is piercing my heart, just as much as Lidia and her pain.

“It sounds like you’re thinking about staying there much longer than just a few weeks,” Ingrid remarks, half-jokingly, half-testing the waters.

“Don’t exaggerate,” I reply with a short laugh. “I miss some things back there too.”

“You and your crazy routines,” I think. Not to mention the stability I found by her side, which now feels like an illusion that vanished in the blink of an eye.

“So, how’s London?” I ask quickly, changing the subject before I let something slip that I don’t want to say. “The team’s last game was incredible.”

“Did you watch it?”

“I stayed up late,” I confess. “But tell me, how are things over there?”

Ingrid launches into her usual stories: the traffic chaos, the endless post-season meetings at the club, the rain that soaks you to the bone, the supposed new signings. I half-listen, nodding now and then, letting her voice pull me back for a moment into that routine that used to feel safe, almost comforting. And it still does, in part. Though there’s something about all of this that doesn’t quite fit, something missing that keeps everything from feeling complete and perfect.

“Lidia,” a little voice tells me.

Just thinking her name makes my pulse quicken.

“We had a huge mess today…” Ingrid continues. “Apparently, Marta is going to terminate her contract and wants to sign with another team. And you know how these things are… it’s been a whole drama.”

“Wow…” I murmur sincerely.

“Yeah, but things have calmed down now. I’ll tell you more details as soon as I know anything.”

I nod, even though she can’t see me. And then, purely on instinct, I look up toward the path and see her.

Lidia is walking in the opposite direction, head down and shoulders tense, as if she were carrying the weight of the world on her back. Time suddenly stretches out. Each of her steps seems to last forever; the movement of her light skirt against her legs, the strand of hair that escapes and brushes her cheek, the way she presses her lips together. Everything becomes sharper, slower, more inevitable.

“Barbara? Are you there?” Ingrid’s voice sounds distant, muffled by the pounding of my heart echoing in my ears.

“Yeah, sure…” I reply automatically, barely catching my breath.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You sound really strange, honey.”

I swallow hard.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” I lie quickly. “It’s just… I think I’m going to go grab something to eat now.”

“Now? But it’s already the middle of the night here…”

“Yeah, well… it’s still early here,” I reply, trying to sound casual.

It doesn’t work. I can hear the tremor and hesitation in my voice, and she notices it too.

“Barbara…”

“I can’t keep talking. Not now.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” I cut her off gently. “That way we can talk more calmly, I promise.”

There’s a brief silence on the other end, and I hear a barely audible sigh.

“Okay…” she finally concedes. “But don’t leave me hanging for too many days, okay?”