Page 54 of We Shouldn’t Do This Again

“Looks like someone misses you,” Lidia says, leaning a little closer with that innocent curiosity that tears me apart. “Is it work?”

I lift my eyes to hers. Her tone is light, curious, completely innocent, and that only makes everything worse. I don’t deserve that innocence. Not after everything I’m hiding.

“Yeah… well,” I reply as I pick up my phone with both hands. “She’s my coworker. I left her in charge of the team before I came. You know how it is.”

The lie comes too easily; it isn’t entirely false, but it’s enough for now. And as I say it, a little voice inside me keeps asking how long I plan to keep lying to the woman who looks at me as though I’m her entire world.

Lidia nods calmly and lifts her cup to her lips.

“I’m sure everything’s fine,” she says softly. “You can make it up to her when you get back. You’re good at what you do; I’m sure she’ll understand.”

“Make it up to her.” The words echo heavily inside me, twisting my stomach. Make it up to Ingrid for leaving her alone while I’m here falling more in love with someone else every day. Make it up to Lidia for hiding from her that there’s another woman who believes I belong to her…

I lower my gaze to the screen and read the message:

Ingrid: Are you eating? I’m already at the sports complex; everyone’s freaking out. Apparently, they’re replacing the coach, and it’s chaos.

I take a deep breath before replying. My fingers move quickly, almost automatically, but every word feels heavy as lead.

Barbara: It was expected. She did okay, but not as well as they wanted. Tell me the details later.

The message shows as read almost immediately.

Ingrid: I will. By the way… you seem a little distant lately. Is everything okay over there?

My stomach tightens even more. I glance up discreetly. Lidia is absorbed in her own phone now, smiling brightly, completely unaware of the conversation happening beside her. Guilt squeezes my chest so tightly it hurts to breathe. I’m destroying two relationships with my own hands, all because I want to hold on to Lidia.

Barbara: Everything’s fine. Pablo and Miriam’s wedding is getting close, and my nerves are keeping me awake. You know how I get.

This time the response takes longer.

Ingrid: Yeah… I know you. I’m sure everything’s going to turn out fine. Don’t worry. I wish I could be there with you. I miss you.

I could tell her I miss her too, but that’s not really how I feel.

Barbara: I’ll send you pictures, I promise.

I lock my phone and place it face down on the table, as if that could silence everything I’m feeling right now too.

“Everything okay?” Lidia asks, studying me with that deep attentiveness she’s always had, the kind that sometimes feels too intense and now only makes me feel worse.

“Yeah,” I answer quickly, forcing a smile. “Apparently they’re replacing the coach and everyone’s losing their minds.”

“I see…” she murmurs with a sympathetic smile that breaks my heart. “If you need to call your coworker to check in, go ahead. I’m not going to keep you here all morning. Although honestly, I’d love to.”

“You could try,” I say, letting a smile touch my lips even while inside I’m screaming.

“Don’t tempt me,” she replies with a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Because I’m perfectly capable of tying you to that chair and not letting you leave until the day’s over.”

Her lightness clashes too hard with the weight I’m carrying, with these two realities colliding inside me without ever finding balance. Two versions of myself. Two lives that refuse to fit together no matter how hard I try. But here I am, sitting across from Lidia, wishing time would stop, wishing nobody would force me to choose, wishing this would never end.

I feel her hand settle over mine, soft and warm, and that touch anchors me to the present.

“Hey,” she says, leaning a little closer, her eyes full of tenderness. “You’re here, okay? Don’t let work steal you away from this for even a second. I want us to enjoy these days together without anything ruining them.”

I look up and let myself fall into her gaze. In that moment, the remorse is still there—heavy, crushing—but the love I feel for her makes it a little easier to bear.

“It won’t,” I reply with a conviction I genuinely feel in that exact moment.