Page 68 of We Shouldn’t Do This Again

“What…?” I murmur, unable to help myself, my voice trembling.

“Well, that’s it. I thought it would be nice if you had company,” she continues, in a tone that tries to sound excited but comes off as forced. “To be together and take the chance to spend a few days at the beach and disconnect from everything. I miss you. A lot. And it’s clear we need some time alone.”

I don’t answer because the words get stuck in my throat. Suddenly it all makes sense: the insistence, the messages, the calls. I thought you wouldn’t want to come, and maybe it was my mistake not to mention it to you sooner.

“Wow…” she says after a few seconds, her voice tinged with disappointment. “Things must be going really badly for you not to even be happy to see me.”

I swallow hard and try to pull myself together, even though inside everything is crumbling like a sandcastle.

“No, it’s not that…” I lie, and I hate the sound of my own voice. “It’s just… I’m at the boutique with Pablo and Miriam. It’s the final fitting, and I didn’t expect… I didn’t expect you to come. You surprised me.”

“Go be with them,” she cuts me off, dryly and sharply. “We’ll talk when I get there. And Barbara… don’t make me feel like I’m the only one fighting for us.”

And before I can say anything else, the call cuts off.

Ingrid is coming to the Maldives…

A tremor runs through my entire body. My hands are cold, my breathing is irregular, and I feel an unbearable pressure in my chest. I think of Lidia, of us, and I don’t know how I’m going to be able to look her in the eyes and tell her that my girlfriend will be here in a matter of days.

“Shit…” I whisper, bringing a hand to my forehead, feeling the tears threatening to spill.

There’s no escape now, no way to avoid it. There’s no more time. Everything I’ve been avoiding is about to blow up in my face…

I take a deep breath once, twice, three times, but it’s no use. Because when I look up at the door, I know I have to go back and pretend once again, even though all of this is killing me inside.

I put my phone away and gently push open the door. The cold air from the boutique hits my face again, and when I sit down next to Lidia on the sofa, she doesn’t wait long to ask:

“Everything okay?” she asks, giving me a smile that under other circumstances would calm me down but now unsettles me.

I force myself to smile, to act normal, to keep up this lie a little longer.

“Yeah, yeah,” I reply, trying not to let my voice tremble. “Work stuff. You know.”

The words come out automatically, easily, too easily. But inside, everything is very different, because what’s happening to me isn’t work-related, because there’s nothing professional about this mess I’ve gotten myself into, because what’s about to happen is going to destroy everything, and Lidia doesn’t deserve to suffer because of me again.

CHAPTER 35

THE LAST NIGHT

Barbara

Night falls over Ukulhas. The sky darkens little by little, almost without us noticing, as if someone had dimmed the light of the entire world. Now the full moon rises majestically over the sea, reflecting on the calm surface to form a path of liquid silver that invites you to lose yourself in it. I walk alongside Lidia back to the bungalows, and every step I take weighs on my legs. I’m not physically tired; it’s emotional—that tight knot squeezing my heart and keeping me from breathing normally.

The air is warm, thick, and humid, heavy with the pungent scent of sea salt mixed with the sweet, heady aroma of the flowers lining the path. The streetlights along the path cast a dim, yellowish glow that draws dancing shadows across the white sand. The constant sound of the sea—rhythmic, deep, and eternal—seems to mark the beat of something that is about to end forever. Because I know it. I feel it in every cell of my body, in every rapid beat of my heart. Tonight is the last night Lidia and I will spend together. Not because I want it, but because I can no longer sustain this lie for even a second longer.

“It’s wonderful to see my father and Mirian so happy, isn’t it?” Lidia asks suddenly, breaking the silence that surrounds us.

“Yes…” I murmur, gazing up at the stars. “They remind me of us years ago, when we were just a few days away from getting married…”

“I almost ate the florist, I remember.”

Her laughter lights up my world for a moment. After the morning I’ve put her through, all my evasions, her insistent glances… her laughter is like a gust of fresh air in the middle of the desert. I just smile, squeezing her hand a little tighter. I’m exhausted—so exhausted that I feel like I’ve lost my energy, my desire, my happiness along the way.

Silence returns. The sea roars softly, and I can only sigh, feeling the air escape from my lungs. My heart aches so much that I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to heal from these wounds.

“I know you told me you’re fine, that I have nothing to worry about, but…” Lidia whispers, moving a little closer to me. “You can’t hide whatever’s going on from me, Barbara. Because I’m not just anyone—I know you well, and you know it.”

“Of course I know…” I reply to myself before opening my mouth.