Page 74 of We Shouldn’t Do This Again

Lidia tilts her head curiously and asks softly:

“What are you thinking about?”

“That I’m going to lose you. That I’ve been an idiot. That if I could stop time, I’d do it right now if I knew I could stay here, with you, under these lights and with the sea in the background for an eternity,” but all I say is:

“That tonight you look like a goddess.”

She holds my gaze. And for a second, her playful smile fades, giving way to something deeper, more vulnerable, more ours.

“You too,” she whispers. “And it makes me nervous when you look at me like that, as if there were no one else on the whole island.”

I smile slowly, letting the emotion show in my eyes.

“It’s just that there’s nothing else but you.”

Lidia takes a step closer. Close enough for her citrus-scented perfume to envelop me and overwhelm all my senses.

“Are you sure?” she asks. “Because I get the feeling you’ve been on the moon for days, hiding something from me that you don’t want to share.”

The remark makes me tense. Because yes, I’ve been mulling everything over for too many days now. Because I can’t bear the weight I’m carrying anymore, and because I need to tell her everything all at once.

I look around. Pablo is distracted by some guests who’ve just arrived. Miriam is talking to a couple at the bar. The music is still playing, the sea is still breathing just a few meters away, and the night is still beautiful, almost unreal.

But I’m breaking inside and I can’t take it anymore.

“Come with me,” I say suddenly, holding out my hand.

Lidia frowns slightly.

“Now?”

I nod, feeling my pulse racing.

“Please.”

She asks no more. I take her by the hand and lead her out of the restaurant, toward the wooden walkway that leads to the private beach. The sound of the party fades behind us, muffled by the distance. Here, only the moon reflected in the water and the wood beneath our bare feet remain.

Lidia stops in front of me. The breeze gently ruffles her hair. Her eyes, in the moonlight, seem even clearer and deeper.

“You’re scaring me a little,” she says with a half-smile, though her voice sounds more serious. “You’ve been acting strange for several days, and now you drag me away from the party to bring me here as if you were going to propose or flee the country. Tell me what’s going on, Barbara.”

The irony makes me laugh sadly, the sound catching in my throat. Yes, I’d love to have a little boy to pour all my nerves into, but no… it’s much more complicated than that.

“You always manage to make me laugh, even when I shouldn’t.”

She comes closer. Her fingers brush against my hand, and that simple touch brings down everything I’ve been holding inside, turning me into what I really am: a woman in love, a liar incapable of telling the truth.

“Barbara…” Her voice softens. “What’s wrong?”

I look at her, and I really mean it. Just as I haven’t stopped looking at her since she reappeared in my life. I see the woman I fell in love with on this very island years ago. I see my ex-wife. I see the person with whom I learned what it meant to feel at home. I see the woman I’ve hurt more than she deserved and who still has the power to make me feel alive, whole, real.

My throat fills with words I’ve been holding back for far too long, and in the end, I start with the easy part.

“Whatever happens in the coming days…” I begin, my voice breaking with emotion, “I need you to remember something important. Something that is true above all else.”

Lidia frowns, worried.

“I don’t like the sound of that. You’re making me nervous.”