Page 36 of A Perfect Disaster

“Maybe you folks in entertainment couldn’t care less about how a general inspection by the company turns out,” I snap at her, forcing a cold tone to hide the tremor in my voice, though I know she reads me all too well, “but I’m risking my promotion on this contract.”

Her smile vanishes immediately, as if I’d thrown a bucket of water on her.

“Helen…” she murmurs, and her eyes darken.

“So this…” I point to the space between us with a finger, moving it back and forth. “What happened yesterday in the cabin can’t happen again. It’s over, Maika. We have to stick to the rules, be professional, and just do our jobs.”

Maika stares at me in absolute silence for a few seconds that stretch out like an eternity. That’s her best weapon. When she challenges me or throws a snide remark my way, I have a playbook of automatic responses to protect myself. But when she stays silent, looking at me like that, as if she can see right through the panic hiding behind my stripes, she leaves me completely defenseless.

“I always work professionally,” she replies, strangely calm before taking another sip from her cup. “And, in the meantime, we’re getting to know each other a little better. I don’t see what maritime law prohibits that.”

“What law forbids it? I’ll kill her. I’ll really kill her.”

I frown, stung by the matter-of-factness with which she says it. She says it without a trace of mockery, as if emotions were a simple docking maneuver to her. As if the fact of “getting to know each other better” didn’t mean I lose control of my mental compass every time we share a hallway. As if I didn’t have to remind myself, through sheer discipline, that this is a serious job, a unique career opportunity I have no intention of throwing away, and not some cheap romance novel set against the backdrop of the Mediterranean.

Although, if I’m honest with my own logbook, the views from the deck are doing their part. And I’m not exactly referring to the Italian coast.

I sigh deeply, tightening my features as much as possible. I need to regain control of the situation, of the ship’s safety, and, above all, of my own impulses.

“I don’t have time to discuss this with you right now. I’m asking you to behave and stick to the plan, okay? For once in your life, put improvisation aside.”

The words shoot out of my mouth before I can activate the filter. They sound harsh. Too harsh. Maika’s expression freezes, taking on a stiffness I’ve never seen in her before, and I instantly realize the tremendous stupidity I’ve just committed. I’d love to be able to go back, pluck the sentence out of thin air, chew it up, and swallow it to pretend it never existed. But at that very moment, I spot Gonzalo’s silhouette crossing the bridge toward the aft pool, and my professional panic returns to reclaim control of my mind.

“Brief your team,” I order Maika, unable to apologize. “Review the bus routes for tomorrow’s trip to Rome and make sure they know them by heart. I don’t want any major mistakes. I can’t afford a single slip-up, please. Just be professional.”

Maika looks down at the floor, clutching her coffee cup in her hands.

“Understood, officer,” she replies, with a coldness that chills my blood.

I turn away before guilt forces me to beg for mercy and makes me forget the email from Transmarine, the inspectors, and everything I’ve been trying to prove to the company for years. I stride toward the stern, teetering on the edge of running again, though now the trembling isn’t confined to my legs. My heart is pounding hard in the center of my chest.

“Gonzalo!” I shout as soon as I reach him.

He spins around, startled by my look of high alert.

“Have you checked the internal server?”

“Of course, Helen, but there’s no need to declare a state of emergency before breakfast.”

“Save that joke for the captain,” I snap, grabbing his uniform sleeve to pull him out of the way. “We’re going to organize the inspection files right now.”

“Let me remind you that we haven’t even completed the docking maneuver in Genoa, Helen. We’ve got a few hours before we arrive.”

“That’s not enough, and you know it.”

Gonzalo lets out a sigh of resignation, realizing it’s impossible to escape one of my perfectionist outbursts.

“Helen, slow down for a second,” he orders, planting his feet on the floor and forcing me to stop. He grabs me by the shoulders, forcing me to look at him. “You’re the best safety officer on this damn ship. There’s nothing in those manuals you don’t have under control. The ship is perfect.”

But he’s wrong. It isn’t. Because I’ve just destroyed the bond I had with Maika because of my own cowardice, and the guilt is burning me alive. But I can’t fall apart now. The auditors are going to walk up that gangway tomorrow morning, and I have to prove that I deserve this position I’ve been chasing for years.

14

Maika

“I’d forgotten just how messed up in the head she is…” I mutter, finishing the last sip of my coffee. “When the hell haven’t we been professional?”

I toss the paper cup into a recycling bin on the deck and fix my gaze on the corner of the bulkhead where Helen has just disappeared, practically running. I take a couple of deep breaths, letting the salty breeze from the Ligurian Sea fill my lungs until I manage to slip the “everything’s under control” mask back onto my face.