Page 84 of A Perfect Disaster

“Maika? What’s wrong?” Helen asks immediately. Her hand reaches for mine under the table, squeezing it urgently.

I stand up from my chair, making a titanic effort to keep my legs from shaking.

“I’ll be right back, guys.”

I stride away from the terrace, looking for a secluded, quiet corner by the old stone wall, and answer with a dry throat.

“Hello? Yes?”

The voice of the nursing home’s medical director comes through clearly.

“Good morning, Maika. I’m so sorry to bother you during your contract on the ship, really…”

“No. Please, god of the seas, don’t do this to me now,” I beg, clenching my teeth.

I listen carefully to the doctor’s explanation and feel as if the ground beneath my feet in Cagliari is disappearing. Apparently, my grandmother has taken a bad fall in the garden. Thank God it’s not too serious, but it’s serious enough to complicate my life. She was rushed to the hospital for a full evaluation, and although there are no fractures, they’ve detected a rather nasty and complicated muscle tear that will require months of intensive rehabilitation, daily physical therapy, ongoing treatments, and constant medical care that the standard nursing home doesn’t cover. And here comes the punch to the gut: starting next month, the monthly fee for the medical facility is going to increase by practically forty percent.

Forty percent more. Damn it!

I keep listening to the doctor’s report, nodding mechanically in the middle of the square and asking the necessary questions in a whisper. But the conversation starts to sound distant and distorted to me. When I finally hang up, my hands are shaking so much that I almost drop the phone on the ground.

My grandmother is alive and well. That’s the only thing that should matter to me. However…

A brutal, undeniable truth hits me right in the chest, leaving me breathless. I turn my gaze toward the terrace and look at Helen from a distance. I shake my head slowly, feeling a terrible twinge of pain in my heart. What an idiot I’ve been. The salary from that promotion, the shipping company’s performance bonuses, the benefits, the financial stability… Everything I was willing to give up last night for love so that Helen could fulfill her dream suddenly becomes a matter of life and death.

My precious, noble sacrifice as a lover was a rich person’s luxury I can no longer afford.

I lean my back against the wall, closing my eyes tightly and trying to catch my breath. The worst part of this whole mess isn’t the money. The worst part is going to be looking Helen in the eye. Because now, I’m going to have to go out and fight. I’m going to have to compete against her for real, tooth and nail, and take away the dream of her life to save my own.

“Maika.”

Her voice behind me makes me jump.

“What the hell happened?” she asks, closing the distance and cradling my face in her warm hands. “You’ve gone pale.”

I try to force one of my cool smiles to play it down, but I fail in the most miserable way possible.

“The nursing home… My grandmother,” I manage to whisper.

Helen’s jaw tenses.

I slump a little, and for the first time since I’ve known her, I decide to lay my life completely bare and let go of the weight. With tears in my eyes, I confess how my grandmother raised me on her own when my parents turned their backs on the world, how she worked cleaning entryways until she was exhausted so that I would never go hungry, and why I swore I would never leave her helpless in her old age.

I tell her about the doctor’s call, leaving nothing out, making it clear that I have no idea where I’m going to get the money.

“My grandmother has always been a rock,” I murmur, staring at my feet. “The strongest, most determined, and bravest woman I’ve ever known. She doesn’t deserve this.”

Helen nods slowly and slides her thumbs across my cheekbones to wipe away a stray tear that has escaped.

“She’s just like you, Maika,” she says tenderly.

But I don’t feel that way right now. I feel like a coward, cornered and lost in the middle of an Italian island. And yes, I also want to confess to her that I have to break last night’s pact, that I have to fight tooth and nail for the position again. But at the same time, I don’t have the courage to break her heart right here in the middle of the street. And instead, I seek her warmth, press myself against her chest, and let her wrap me in a tight embrace that saves me for a few seconds.

“Well… let’s get back to the guys before Gonzalo sends out a rescue team,” I say, reluctantly pulling away and looking her in the eyes. “The important thing is that she’s okay. The money… I’ll figure out how to handle the money.”

“I’m absolutely certain you will. You’re a force of nature,” Helen replies, giving me a tender kiss on the forehead.

My heart shatters into a thousand pieces right then and there. Fate always finds the most twisted way to burst the bubbles of happiness. Just when I was starting to believe that we’d finally found our way, fucking reality comes back to remind us that there’s no room for both of us on this ship. And that there’s still a brutal battle to be fought. A battle for the same spot in which, this time, the sacrifices of love won’t be enough.