Page 57 of Last Line of Defense

Suddenly, my phone vibrates fiercely on the nightstand. I look up at the screen. It’s Dani. I can’t help but slowly exhale through my mouth before swiping to answer.

“Hi, Dani.”

“You sound like you’re at a funeral,” he blurts out as soon as he hears my greeting on the other end of the line. “Can you tell me what the hell is going on over there?”

I close my eyes for a moment and let myself slump heavily against the wooden headboard of the bed. With Dani, it’s never done any good to try to pretend that everything’s going smoothly. He’s one of those very few people in the world capable of reading my mind even when I refuse to do it myself.

“I’m exhausted, really. Physically and mentally.”

“That’s a lie. You can’t fool me, Clara.”

I hear the distinct sound of a door slamming on the other end of the line, and immediately afterward, his voice returns in a much more intimate, serious, and concerned tone.

“What’s going on, Clara? And don’t even think about telling me nothing’s wrong—we’ve known each other long enough.”

I stay silent for a few seconds, pressing the phone tightly against my ear. I feel all the emotional barriers I’ve built up suddenly and irrevocably crumbling.

“I think I’m falling in love with someone, Dani.”

Finally saying it out loud, breaking the secret, makes something deep inside me tremble with uncontrollable force. Until this very moment, I’d been panicking at the thought of giving it that name. Carnal desire is easy to manage. Physical attraction can also be disguised. But love… love is something completely different. And I’ve already been through a similar ordeal in the past with Charlotte—enough to make me panic.

I hear Dani exhale slowly through his teeth, taking in the bombshell.

“Who is it, if I may ask?” he asks, a genuine hint of surprise lingering in his voice.

At that moment, I realize that I haven’t even mentioned it to him during our weekly calls, and that this whole thing with Alicia has become so clandestine, hidden, and forbidden that it even feels strange and unreal to say it out loud.

“A player on the team. The star forward.”

“And may I ask exactly how long this has been going on? Because you’ve kept it pretty well hidden. Although, knowing you and considering what happened with Charlotte, I can already imagine why you hadn’t let anything slip until now.”

I let out a small, bitter laugh that rises from my chest and sounds more like a sob held back by the pressure.

“The truth is, I don’t have the faintest idea how I got to this point, Dani. It’s gotten completely out of hand.”

“Is it that bad?”

I glance sideways toward the window, where raindrops are tapping against the glass and beginning to slide lazily down the pane.

“No, it’s not that it’s bad. On the contrary. Alicia is absolutely incredible. Even though she can drive me up the wall in two minutes, fifteen minutes later she manages to make me feel more alive than anyone else on this planet. I don’t even know how to explain it, seriously—I just feel things I haven’t felt in many, many years. Feelings I thought I’d buried three feet underground.”

“Love is that messed up, Clara. It shows up when you least expect it.”

The word love hits me in the face again with the force of a ball fired point-blank.

“You know exactly what’s at stake…”

“What exactly is at stake? Your job? What four old farts will say when they find out? Or just your heart?” he retorts vehemently on the other end of the phone. “Clara, damn it, everyone in this fucking life deserves a little happiness. Just let yourself go for once.”

“I wish I could just do it, Dani. At the club, rules are rules, and if the press finds out, they’ll come after her again. She’s the league’s media darling, but she’s also had way too much crap thrown at her. And honestly, I flat-out refuse to be just another brick in that pile of problems the poor thing is already dragging around.”

Dani remains silent for a few long seconds, thoughtfully weighing my words.

“So what do you want to do? Distance yourself from her?” he asks. “Do you really think that by doing that you’re going to protect her from anything?” he continues calmly. “Do you seriously think that ignoring your feelings is going to save both of you from danger?”

I don’t answer him. Basically because I don’t have a real or logical answer to give him.

“Listen to me carefully, Clara,” he continues in that measured tone he uses when giving me advice. “You can keep hiding, but the reality is that you’re already too deeply involved, and the longer you keep pretending, the more harm you’re going to do to yourself—and, above all, to her. Talk to Alicia. Be honest for once in your life. And whatever you have to decide, decide it together.”