Page 30 of Miserable Marionette

“Hey son, why don’t you head back to your father? You two can catch up after—"

“Oh, let them be, Manard. Jesus Christ,” Audrey’s mom hisses, her words already slurring slightly.

I don’t look over the shoulder at my own father, knowing what I’ll see there and choosing to ignore it as I tug her down the wooded path deeper into the graveyard.

“Gideon, what are you doing? We can’t just leave!”

“Can’t we?” I quip, not turning around to face her, not feeling like I can.

The buzzing is getting louder. I shouldn’t be around her right now, around anyone.

But what if this is my last chance?

What if—

I halt as she wrenches her arm from my grasp. “Gideon, stop!” she hisses, curls bouncing as she crosses her arms, keeping me from tugging her hands back out so I can hold them.

I see red.

My hand slaps over her mouth as she squeals. The heat from her little body barreling into me as I haul her into my arms, ignoring the way she’s fighting me. Every struggle triggers something deeper in me, something not right. I want to let Audrey down. I want her to run from me. I want to see the horrified look on her face when I chase her down, slamming her face into the dirt. She’d be so offended at first, so angry as I jerked up the hem of her little black dress. She’d whimper as I ripped her tights—

She curses at me, her mouth still muffled under my palm as I veer off the path, dragging her shiny black shoes in the dirt.

I’m going to lose her.

I’m going to lose Audrey.

My mind is veering between buzzing and blank swarming thoughts and none at all.

A desperate, clawing, ugly panic working up from the pits of my stomach. The same one I felt when the cops showed up, after I realized my dad really meant it when he said we would leave.

Her hazel eyes are wide and teary as I slam her down onto a pulpit marker, her ass hitting the marble book carved there, some bullshit bible passage etched into the stone. She gasps as I slam my head onto her chest, a strangled, ugly, ragged sound leaving my throat as I work my face deeper into her, shoving and burrowing. Hiding, as stupid as that sounds.

“Gideon, what’s happening? Why wouldn’t you come out of the woods last night? I know you were there.” She sniffles and I can feel silent sobs wracking her chest.

I don’t answer. I can’t.

My eyes flick open as she cries, landing on the tall headstone beside us, wondering if it would be easier if I can stop this.

I could do it.

If it meant I didn’t lose her. If she never had to lose me. It’s going to break her heart. I’m going to break our promises. All of them. The thought of disappointing her is foul. She shouldn’t have to feel that way, not about me.

I’ll fix that now or maybe tonight.

It would be so quick.

It wouldn’t hurt her. I’d make sure of it. I’d never hurt Audrey.

Timid hands knot in my hair, forcing my head up to face her. Her pretty face screwed up as she cries. Her voice sad and desperate. “Gideon, I don’t want you to stop being my friend.”

She knows.

Of course she does.

She knows I’d never not see her, not for anything. Not unless something was very wrong.

“God, just fucking say something!” she yells, so loud the funeral party can probably hear us, but I don’t care. “Fucking tell me so we can fix it. Please! You’re my best friend. I can’t be away from you. I can’t be all alone, Gideon.”