Page 111 of Our Chaotic Love Affair

“You okay?” I asked.

“Fine.”

“Liar.”

That got a small smile. “Maybe.”

We sat in silence for a moment. The party noise from the backyard was muted here, just a pleasant hum of voices and laughter.

“Are you in trouble?” I asked. “With your father. Because of Rossi.”

He shrugged. “I was.”

“Was?”

“I just told him I’m extending my sabbatical.” He finally looked at me. “He’s pretty livid.”

“You’re on sabbatical?”

He nodded.

My eyebrows shot up. “A sabbatical? Cash, that’s huge.”

“I know.”

“When did you decide that?”

“When we got back. I told him I was taking a break. Finn helped me see that I was spiraling.” He picked at a piece of paint peeling from the step. “The last month showed me I have a lot of gaps in my life. Things I can’t fill with work. My father operated that way. Some of my brothers do too. But I can’t anymore. I feel drained. Empty. Like I have nothing else to give. The well is dry. The only way I can recharge is to get my head straight.”

I felt so much joy for him. He must be relieved and terrified. And free. He finally freed himself. “Good for you.”

“You helped too,” he said quietly.

I looked at him. “What?”

“In Rome. You helped me see it.” He met my eyes. “You asked me what I wanted and I couldn’t answer. That’s been eating at me for a month.”

“Have you figured it out yet? What you want?”

“Some of it.” His voice was soft. “Still working on the rest.”

I looked at him and saw the exhaustion, the uncertainty, the same ache I’d been carrying. He was just as lost as I was. He looked a hell of a lot better in his lostness, but he was an attractive man. Couldn’t hide it if he tried.

“I wish it had ended differently,” I said. “Rome.”

“Me too.”

“I wish the timing had been better for us.”

He reached over and took my hand. Just took it and lifted it to his lips. Pressed a kiss to my knuckles that made my breath catch.

“I wish that too,” he said.

I leaned into him. Couldn’t help it. He wrapped an arm around me, pulled me close, and rested his cheek on top of my head. We sat there on the front steps while the party continued without us. It felt like goodbye and hello all at once.

“We should go back,” I said eventually.

“Yeah.”