Page 40 of Ghosts and Ginger Tea

I blinked a few times, trying to recompose myself. But he did indeed catch me looking at him, studying him, staring at him.

Don’t react. Don’t react.

I cleared my throat and set my tea on the tray. The warm, spicy smell filled the room. “Those tattoos on your chest and arms,” I said, trying to act normal, like I’d been trying to study those and not just stare at him. I could only imagine how many women had stared at him in his life, and it annoyed me that I had become one of them. “What do they mean?” I asked.

Keanu sat up and, much to my chagrin, unbuttoned the rest of his shirt.

What a terrible question, Oli. I was sure my cheeks were bursting into flames.

“The tattoos represent my lineage and the kingdom that I rule.” He pointed out the two islands, the fish, and different symbols that represented his family line, like the pueo and the shark, his ‘aumakua.

“That’s what I thought they represented the night I met you,” I said as I stood and walked to the door leading to the balcony. I had to get space from this man, this man who made my heart patter like the rain falling outside. This man was lighting something inside ‌me that I didn’t even know existed. I leaned against the door frame and said, “I mean, I had no idea that’s what they were but I assumed.”

“Then your assumptions were right.” Keanu was suddenly there, right in front of me. He always moved so fast, it startled me. He chuckled as he looked down at me, his eyes burning.

Oh no… I was pinned against the door frame. But I didn’t know where else to go, or what to do. The rain poured outside, and Keanu rested his arm on the frame above me.

“What’s so funny?” My voice came out quiet.

“I love it when you share your thoughts,” he said.

“What are you talking about?”

“This morning, in the meeting.” Keanu’s smell enveloped me. It was so refreshing, like the first sip of coconut water under a blazing sun. “You are making a fine queen, Oliana.”

“I’m not a queen,” I corrected him. “I feel like a manini in a sea of sharks and whales.”

He laughed, and the sound of it made me smile. For a moment, we just looked at each other. It was the first time we both smiled at one another.

At that, he lifted my chin, and I was sure I melted. If I didn’t, I was completely gone. Disappeared. My logic was draining from me with each one of his gentle touches, and the way he drew closer to me.

I had to think of something. Anything to break this moment.

“Do you think we could visit the people in the kingdom sometime, especially the widows?” I asked.

Gentleness gleamed in his eyes. It was so sweet, I had to look away.

“I also love that you care so much about others, Oliana. I wish I could be more like you.” He didn’t answer my question.

“Don’t be silly. You do care for others. What ruler remembers the widows of fallen soldiers? You remembered them, Keanu.”

“But you have done much more… You married me to ensure your mother and sister would be cared for. And you care for the people of this kingdom, despite having lived here for such a short time. You are a good queen, and a good person.” His words warmed me from the tips of my toes to the crown of my head. But he wasn’t done. He added, “You have shown me kindness repeatedly, despite my many weaknesses.”

A lump formed in my throat now. If this man was not in love with me, then what was he? Crazy? Possibly.

“If we don’t solve the riddle,” I said, “you will forget me.”

“I don’t think I could.” Keanu stroked my cheek with his thumb. “I don’t think I want to.”

Before I could present some pointless argument, he said, “Do you think you could be happy here, Oliana?” But I heard his unspoken question: Do you think you could be happy here with me?

I swallowed hard. Something inside me was fluttering now, like the wings of a bat darting in the night. It grew stronger the more time I spent with Keanu. Yet I couldn’t get myself to acknowledge the emotion.

I pushed it all down.

I can’t allow myself to feel that way. Survival came first.

“It’s not a good idea to dream up a future that can’t be,” I said.