Page 57 of Ghosts and Ginger Tea

And no doubt a night marcher will take her home…

I stood by Kiki during the funeral services. Neither of us could speak, our faces streaked with tears and our voices hoarse from crying. A priest gave some tender words, and, much to my surprise, Keanu spoke. His words were full of comfort, and even though he hadn’t known my mother, he spoke so highly of her by describing attributes he’d seen exemplified by myself.

He spoke of the way I tended the men at the fields on the night that Kalani attacked. Of bravery and compassion. He said a woman learned these values of compassion from others, and, in my case, it had to be my mother. Our eyes met when he finished with a riddle.

“A crownless queen with love so wide,

Her strength is heart, which none can hide.

For others she stands, never seeking her own,

In her care, true royalty is shown.”

My mother was a queen, not me. Sure, I was crowned queen when I married Keanu, but he was right: in her care, she really did show she was true royalty.

I’m not a real queen. And I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be one anymore. How could I be with Keanu? He took my father’s days. And now he took mine.

“Come on,” Kiki said, pulling us away from the grave after we’d let some dirt drop from our hands into it. I spent the rest of the evening with my sister, walking along the shore together in silence. When night arrived, I bid her goodnight, then made my way to the palace. Alohi trailed behind me in the darkness. The lantern in my hand cast a warm orange glow, and the coconut palms swayed in the breeze above.

I was grateful to be alone. It was my first moment in a few days to just breathe. And now, before I encountered Keanu, I really had to sort out all my emotions.

Mother is dead.

Father is dead.

Both gone within months of each other.

And all because of Keanu. He bargained with my father. Furthermore, because of my bargain with him, we were here and mother’s sickness escalated until her death.

I shook my head, admitting the truth to myself: I was falling in love with the man who caused my family’s misfortune. Sure, father had not provided much. Sure, he was a drunk. But he was still my father. And he still taught me all the skills I knew.

Which made me realize… despite my father’s weakness, I kept forgiving him. Kept hoping that maybe he’d care enough about himself, my mother, and sisters to stop drinking. And even though I knew the facts: that he pawned me off to Pulu and kept my family in extreme poverty… I still loved him.

That hit me like a wave.

Was it possible to forgive someone, and keep loving them, even if it wasn’t the logical thing to do? Of course I didn’t have to put myself in a bad situation, but could I forgive Keanu and move forward?

I want to.

As I looked at the shadowy path ahead, I could see that a figure waited. At first I thought it was Keanu, based on the height.

But when the light of the lantern touched his face, I saw it was Malakai. “I’m sorry about your loss,” he said, walking beside me, as if he’d been waiting for me. I glanced at his belt, but no sword hung from it this evening. None of the soldiers or the king had their swords at the funeral, so this was not suspicious.

“People lose loved ones all the time,” I replied quietly, thinking about the men in the field the other night. Thinking of my father too.

“I don’t wish to alarm you,” Malakai said, his voice suddenly full of worry. I glanced at him. Did I trust this cousin of Keanu? “But you’re truly running out of time. I thought Keanu would get impatient with you but now I see.”

“See what?”

“He’s stalling.”

“Stalling?”

“Stalling until your days run out.”

“Why would he do that?” I frowned, a sick feeling entering my stomach.

“You know the answer to the riddle, don’t you?” Malakai pressed.