Page 66 of Ghosts and Ginger Tea

“Queen? She’s not worthy to be queen!”

“Silence,” Alohi said as we turned the corner, safe from the sight of the night marchers. Malakai seethed with anger.

“I should’ve killed you when I had the chance, Oliana–”

“Take him away!” Alohi said, and the guards obeyed, leading Malakai, though he kicked and screamed ‌threats the entire way.

Chills ran down my spine as the sound of the drums drew closer and closer. We were safe from the view of the night marchers, but the air grew icy, and I looked at Alohi with tears in my eyes. Peter stood nearby, a vacant look on his face, like he couldn’t believe Keanu was dead either.

“They’re taking him,” he said when our eyes met.

“He’s going to become one with the shadow…” I buried my face in my hands, and once the drumbeats faded away, I fell to the ground and sobbed.

I remembered little. Somehow I was back in my room, and there was a knock on the door. Alohi had sent for my sister, and as I cried in her arms, I wasn’t sure I could do any of this. I couldn’t even handle being in the bedroom, and when a servant brought in a tray of ginger tea, I felt completely unraveled.

Keanu is gone. I wanted to remember his life, but all I could see was the pain in his eyes. Pain because this was the end, but he knew this had to be done. There was no other way for him to repay his wrongs to Kāne.

Kiki offered for me to stay at her place, so we made our way there. It was all a blur, and when we went to sleep, all I could do was stare at the ceiling of her luxurious home–the thing I had bargained for in the first place–and cry.

I didn’t know losing someone could hurt this much, especially when we’d only known each other for such a short amount of time.

But he was my husband.

I just have to survive, I told myself. But that part of me was dying. I had been practical for so long, it was as if my feelings had been bottled up, and now they were overflowing and exploding in a way I could not contain.

Keanu… I called out over and over. But there was nothing in the night besides the constant sound of the waves beating on the distant ocean shores.

The next morning, I woke up to find Kiki sitting on a chair nearby, sewing a golden pikake design on a quilt. She looked up and her expression softened.

“Good morning, Oli. You should drink something.” She put her work aside and brought me water. I drank, but could feel nothing. My whole body was numb. My heart, though beating, felt dead.

“How are you feeling?” She stroked my hair. I shook my head and she nodded, as if she understood. Never had I felt more grateful for my sister than at that moment. I didn’t need to speak. She just knew.

“You did the right thing,” Kiki said. “He had to pay his respects to Kāne, and he will do that now. He trusted you.”

He trusted me, and I let him die. I wished the earth would open up and swallow me. How could I live with myself?

But he took your days. Participating in taking a person’s life would never justify any actions of mine. I felt horrible. Disgusting. The lowest I’d ever felt in my entire life.

I pawned off my life so that my sister and mother could have this good life. What would have happened if I had never bargained with Keanu that night we met? What if I went on to see the other night marcher, apologized, then carried on with my life to marry Pulu? Would that have been so horrible? I wouldn’t be in this mess. I wouldn’t have taken part in this riddle that got Keanu killed…

“Peter came by this morning,” Kiki said, drawing me from my intense thoughts. “He said that you must return to the palace as soon as possible. They need to consult with you.”

I tipped my head, and she added, “You are the queen and the chiefess of this people now, Oli.”

The queen. The chiefess. I did not feel like any of those things. Especially without him.

I thought of Malakai the night before, cursing me, saying I was just a peasant.

“I know you’re grieving,” Kiki said, “but the kingdom needs you, Oli.”

My head hurt. Did they really expect me to show up and rule, when I had no idea what I was doing? And, to be quite honest, I had no right to be there in the first place.

“Oli?”

What other choice did I have? I sighed.

“I will go,” I said, but I moved slower than a turtle on land. Alohi escorted me to the palace, but everything felt silent. ‘Anolani kingdom was quiet. The breeze didn’t brush through the leaves. The surrounding colors, including the color of the water, looked dull, as if nature itself mourned the loss of a good man.