Page 90 of A Capo’s Love: Featuring A Don’s Love

Over the past couple of weeks, I turned the idea of forgiveness over in my mind like a fragile piece of glass. The older I got, the more I realized forgiveness wasn’t weakness nor pretending something never happened. It was dangerously delicate, depending on the person.

Because once trust is broken, and once words are spoken and the damage is done, something changes. Even if the wound heals, the memory of it remains. My father taught me that when I was ten years old. I could still remember the fight that I had with Kentrell. It was over something small but I do remember the anger that consumed me. By the time my father separated us, we were both bruised and words were tossed back and forth between us that we both meant.

After my father whooped both of us, he called me to the porch and talked to me.

“Pops, he started it! He always does!” I stepped out on the porch already in defense mode. My fingers signed to my father fluidly getting my point across.

My head pounded, my ego was fractured because Kentrell whooped my ass by overpowering me in height.

“Maybe he did, Luca.” He tapped the seat next to him.

I exhaled then plopped down in the seat, wincing out in pain. My father leaned back in his chair and looked over at me.

“Why did I have to get punished too?” I signed to him, still confused.

“Because being wronged doesn’t give you permission to become wrong yourself, son,” he answered firmly.

I looked away, tossing his words over and over in my mind.

“He said I was a retarded dummy and that I was weird. He hit—” My fingers paused from signing once I realized that I was snitching to clear myself.

“You hurt him back,” he answered, pointing to a tree growing near a fence.

“If I take an ax to that tree and split the bark open… what happens?” He raised a brow.

“It gets damaged.” I signed.

“And if I stop hitting it?”

I shrugged as I took my time to think before responding.

“It’ll heal,” I responded.

He nodded his head, never taking his eyes off of me.

“Eventually, it will heal…. But will it ever be the same as before I struck it?”

“No,” I whispered instead of signing.

For a second, I saw surprise shine in my father’s eyes. I hardly ever used my words because I hated how my voice sounded. My father smiled slightly, he reached out and patted my shoulder before continuing his speech.

“That’s forgiveness…” He waved his hand. “Forgiveness isn’t pretending the ax never swung. It isn’t pretending the wound doesn’t exist… it’s choosing not to keep striking.” He winked.

I sat there quietly, picking each word apart to better understand his speech, I always did. Each time my father talked to us, every word he uttered had a deeper meaning to it.

“You can hold people accountable.” His finger tapped the armrest. “There can be consequences and there also can be distance and boundaries…but if all you carry is the desire to keep making them pay forever, eventually you’re the one bleeding.”

I became the one more wounded than ever once I found out who La’Nova was. I tried to convince myself that the best thing to do would be to kill her… then I couldn’t bring myself to do it so I came up with walking away. Now we were here. We were in a safe place. A place where I wanted to see physical and mental relief for her.

I no longer saw the woman who played a role in my father’s death. It was a fact that will never go away but something I could think of without feeling guilty about loving her. I had my own understanding method to it that no longer resided with hate.

I saw a survivor in La’Nova. A woman that went through life without her parents. She spent most of her adult life protecting herself and being a hardcore version of herself. I saw it in her from the beginning. From the way her shoulders remained tensed down to all the tension in her neck and shoulders when I massaged her.

She taught herself to expect the worse out of people since she was introduced to the worse. I could see La’Nova’s trauma beneath all of her strength. She deserved peace. With me, there was no place she needed to earn. I also understood that having her own independence was key in making her feel secure a hundred percent with me.

Stepping off my Maybach, I opened the passenger door to place the small velvet ring box inside the middle console. My phone ringed and I already knew it was La’Nova. What she wanted from me was something I saw smoldering in her light gray eyes since we left her event. I held out on sex with La’Nova because she was already addicting enough without sex being involved. The first taste and feel of her was the best I ever had.

She had the kind of pussy that would send me flying off a tall sky-scraping building just to chase after her. If sex was something she wanted from me tonight, she’d get it… only if she accepted what came with it.