Page 77 of A Beast Captured My Heart

“I tried to kill myself, Leandra… Praise tried to kill me.” I swallowed down hard as I watched her sob. My heart started to beat wildly. The car started to feel like it was closing in on me as Praise battled to take over. I chanted to myself like the doctor suggested, but that wasn’t working. We agreed that you would never tell her that! She doesn’t need that on her conscious! Blinking my eyes rapidly to stop myself from shedding a tear, Leandra touched my shoulder and gave me an enduring look. I could no longer stop the tears from falling.

“I didn’t know. I just wanted you to spoil me like you spoiled Praise, mommy.” Eight-year-old me surfaced something that I never let happen. I allowed eight-year-old me to speak in my mind when it came to Leandra, but I never let him take over and speak out. That’s just how weak I was feeling at the moment. Clearing my throat and wiping the tears away as they continued to fall, I proceeded to get it all off my chest.

Doing this, I hoped I could bury eight-year-old me so that the lil nigga wouldn’t keep popping up, making me feel weak and shit. I needed this, too, more than Praise. Because, no matter what, he accepted Leandra for who she was. He didn’t look at the things she did and said to make me feel not loved.

“I never cared what others thought about me. I only cared about what you thought and if I was good enough. It felt like I wasn’t. It never made me hate Michael ‘cause I loved and still love that nigga no matter how foul that nigga is living. I got tired of competing for your love, Ma, so I started to hate you while Praise still loved you. You put me up against myself!”

I took a sip of my bottled water with shaky hands and opened up my car door to step out for air. Grabbing my phone, I desperately went to my call log as the nice Cali breeze hit my face. I took in breaths through my nose, releasing them through my mouth. My chest was hurting, and I started to feel confused. I hated these anxiety attacks. Pressing call, the phone rang twice. When I heard her voice, my heartrate slowed, and a calm came over me.

“Baby, where are you? Talk to me, Praise! You okay?”

I nodded my head yes like she could see me. I was trying to catch my breath. She knew whenever I called her, not talking and just breathing hard, I was either having an episode or an anxiety attack.

“I love you, Juicy.” I was back calm that fast. “My fuckin medicine baby for life. I’ll never need another refill for as long as I’m living.”

I watched the guy from Starbucks approach the passenger side to give my mom the order of muffins and focused back on talking to Kayori. My soul felt connected to her. She was home and where I belonged. She proved that the love I thought I had with Nia was just love I was indebted to Kayori deeply. She loved me for me and every other personality I had. Nia was one-sided for us. Praise loved her so much that he became blindsided with how I felt about the bitch.

I let him hold on to Nia, and I played the background because she did make him happy. Kayori was different for me. Every personality I had inside of me connected with Kayori and yearned for her. Truth be told, she is the main reason why I got the help I needed. I didn’t want to lose her or hurt her. I needed to learn how to live with my own disabilities and not use her as a crutch. She had her own set of problems that I was determined to try my best to help her with.

Wrapping up my conversation with Kayori, she gave me all the reassurance I needed. Hanging the phone up and taking in a deep breath, I looked up, and Leandra was standing in front of me. No words were needed; her tear-stricken face spoke volumes. She reached up to the best of her ability as I leaned down a little to accommodate her short frame like I was used to doing for Kayori. Placing both of her hands on my broad shoulders, she pulled me down and held on tight to me, embracing me as I released the breath I was holding.

This emotional shit was taking a toll on me. It’s been so long since I actually even allowed myself to cry. Whenever I did cry, it was behind closed doors with no one watching.

“I’m sorry, son. I hate that I hurt you and contributed to so much of your emotional distress. If you give me a fair chance, I can try to make things right for you and my grandkids. I don’t want you calling me Leandra. That’s how I know when your Beast. I appreciate and love all of you, especially you, Beast. You’re brave, and you try to take on the world. I saw your effort when you came to my house and tried to call me Ma. That’s what I want. I want you and Praise to try y’all very hardest to merge and accept yourself. Love yourself because you are special, and if nobody else sees that, it’s their loss. No matter how much I put you through and the lack of love I’ve shown you, I’ve always taught you right from wrong and wrong from right, to make the best choices out of life.”

She rubbed the back of my head as she swayed with me in her arms. I could’ve fallen asleep in her arms from the comfort I felt. I no longer felt like our relationship was super strained. I could feel it in my heart that my mom wanted to make things right, and she would be the only human besides Kayori that I gave a fair second chance.

“I know it was Michael. I could feel it was him… When I get the information that I need to track him down, you and I will pay him a visit.” I broke our embrace and kissed her on the forehead as I walked away to get in the car.

All I wanted to do at this very moment was make it home to my medicine, Kayori. I didn’t feel like debating with my mom about Michael, and I didn’t want to hear her beg for his life. He violated, and I would never forgive him. Michael was starting to become a pest. I didn’t have the time for a fucking pest. I had greater things to worry about rather than worrying about Michael's next moves. She still didn’t confirm what I needed to know. I didn’t know what Michael’s punishment would be. Death wasn’t one of them, though. I was gon’ make him feel it in other ways, no denying that.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

KAYORI

I sat up in bed, watching Praise snore lightly. I admired his physique as he lay peacefully naked in bed. The light sweat on his back made his skin look like he was glowing. While my mouth watered at the sight of him, I could feel intense contractions hit from my lower stomach and move to my lower back. So far, they were ten minutes apart. I felt excited but scared at the same time. I knew my son was ready to come. I was scared because weeks ago, I was supposed to go in for C-section. I refused because I was petrified. I was willing to risk pushing my hip out of the socket just to give birth and push my son out the natural way. Going against my doctor's wishes, I did my own research and decided at the last minute that I would be pushing my baby out. The pins in my hip could be replaced if I did push my hip bone out of the socket. That was the risk I was willing to take.

I tried to reposition myself, but the unbearable pain damn near knocked me to my knees. Tired of trying to hold out on bothering Praise, I shook him, and he gave no response. Another hard contraction hit, causing tears to fall from my eyes. The pressure in my pelvic area was so heavy that it felt like a brick was sitting on it. I positioned myself upward and grabbed a pillow. Each time a contraction hit, I rocked my body to it and tried to ease the pain. The contractions were now five minutes apart.

"Praise!" I yelled loud this time, causing my water to break and gush out like a river.

Praise hopped up on alert and panicking. Rubbing his eyes, he stared at me with wide eyes and down to the bed that was wet.

"Yori, you peed on yourself?"

I grumbled and rolled my eyes as another contraction hit hard again.

"No, Praise! My got damn water broke! Ahhhh!" I started to scream and then cry. I was nervous and scared as hell. I worried about my baby as well.

"Fuck, Yori! What should we do?"

I wanted to snatch Praise up. That's how bad the pain was. His questions were making things worse.

"Get my bag and help me to the car. I feel a lot of pressure, Praise."

Deep down, I started to feel like I was not making it to a hospital bed to have this baby. It felt like he was coming right now. I watched Praise run around the room, grabbing things. In my current state of mind, I wanted to remind him to put on some clothes, but I couldn't say a word. I had never experienced a pain like this. Praise was running around in his Versace boxers like they were shorts and his dick was so damn big it slipped out on his thigh as he walked fast around the room.

“Come on, baby, everything is in the car... just take deep breaths, and we gon’ make it to the hospital," he tried his hardest to talk in a soothing tone, and it comforted me until the contractions started coming back-to-back. He practically picked me up off the bed and helped me stand.