Page 29 of No Darker Temptation

“Dahlia…Dahlia.” He brushes his thumb over the apple of my cheek. Presses his forehead against mine. “I want to be the one you choose, the one you love. The one you’re safest with and the one you run to for protection. I want to be your beginning and end the way you are mine.”

I’ve waited so long to hear him say those words to me but now that he has I wish he’d take them back. This moment, this breath of time that exists between the two of us, will determine our fate. Whatever I choose won’t matter because nothing will ever be the same after this.

“Please. Say something.”

In all this time, my resolve has never wavered. He doesn’t have his phone with him so he has nothing to go on, hasn’t read my texts or listened to my embarrassing, long-winded confessions of love. And despite all that he’s shared this evening, I’m certain I won’t be changing my mind. This is forever.

“I just have one question.”

“Anything.” The word leaves him so quickly he loses his breath.

“Do you love me?” I ask in earnest. “You’ve never told me before.”

He opens his mouth to speak, as if to refute what I’ve said, but as the twinkling lights behind us dance across the flecks of hazel in his eyes I know he can’t. He’s searching his mind right now for a memory that doesn’t exist, of an instance in which he’s uttered those three words.

“It doesn’t bother me that you haven’t said it. Truly,” I confess. “I know what you went through with Regina and why those three words carry weight for you. Why you sometimes fear them.”

Again, he tries to speak but conjures up nothing. I’ve never seen him at such a loss for words before.

“But if I’m going to do this, if I’m going to be with you, then I need to hear you say it. Just once.”

“Dahlia—”

“I need it to be real.”

He drags his thumb along the shape of my mouth, lost deep in thought. “I’ve thought the words so many times…how is it possible I never said as much aloud to you?” he whispers.

When I blink I feel the wetness of tears roll down my lashes. He catches them before they mar my face.

“Love itself couldn’t find the words wide or deep enough to express what I feel for you. Of course, I love you, Dahlia, how could I not? And if I never said it aloud before it’s only because language does not yet exist for what you are to me. It’s more than love and it’s more than life. It’s more than anything I could ever articulate to you in a single lifetime. I’m sorry for not telling you as much before.” He takes a steadying breath and for the first time, I see his hesitancy, feel his fear. He really doesn’t know what I’m going to say. When he speaks again, his eyes fall shut. “Please come back with me. Please be with me. Because I think I’ll die if you don’t.”

I hadn’t expected him to say all that but it was exactly what I needed to hear.

“I want to be wherever you are, always, for the rest of our lives. And I want you to come upstairs with me.”

Finally, he opens his eyes.

“I think I can do that.”

MORE THAN A DREAM

Dahlia

Karina and I have been sharing a room the last few nights. By now, all her bags have been packed and moved to the honeymoon suite and tomorrow morning the wedding party will meet for breakfast before seeing them off to the airport. They’ll be spending two blissful weeks in Thailand where they can be madly in love with each other in private.

I insert the keycard twice and each time it gets stuck on the way out. The red-light blinks profusely, mocking me for the error. Noticing the tremor in my hands, Alejandro touches my wrist and this time when I insert the card, the light turns green.

“Tricky thing…” I murmur under my breath and step inside.

I have no idea why I’m so nervous. We lived together for three months. There should be no hesitancy or uncertainty between us and yet I’d prefer it if he was just a voice on the other end of a call. Abstract, at a distance, and safe. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be this close to him. To know his presence absorbs all the air in a room, to feel his breath at the back of my neck and his fingertips skim along my bare arms. Since coming back to New York, I haven’t been with anyone else. Too akin to infidelity for my liking.

A short foyer bleeds into the living space where two full sized beds are pushed up against a wainscoted wall. Ahead is a small sitting table in front of balcony doors and across from the beds are a set of double doors leading to the bathroom. There’s a TV mounted to the wall just a few feet to the right above a wooden dresser.

“I was, um,” I rush into the room and snatch up my pajama shorts, completely forgetting to flip a light switch. I end up tripping over a fallen hairspray bottle. “In a rush this morning.”

He leans against the foyer entrance, one leg crossed over the other, hands shoved in his pockets. “Are you nervous?”

Fucking Hell how did my underwear get all the way over here?