Page 34 of No Darker Temptation

I nod.

“But…why?”

“Because it’s finally starting to hit me. I’m committing to this huge, life-altering decision that’s going to change everything. Meanwhile, I’m the kind of person who won’t upgrade a phone until it falls apart and hasn’t changed their Instagram handle since the eighth grade.”

“Okay but joblessturtles is really cute!”

“Ugh!”

I bury my face in my hands and cry because if anyone passes by and sees I think I’ll kill myself. Worse, I don’t want to run the chance of Alejandro coming downstairs and seeing me like this. Karina and I are tucked against the windowsill and mostly out of sight but that doesn’t make me any less paranoid.

“Isn’t this what you’ve been waiting for the last few months?”

I lift my head and before I can get a word out, Karina’s already producing tissues from her cute little handbag. She really is such a mom. I take one and clean myself up as best as I can without a mirror. “It is. But that doesn’t mean everything is going to be easy after this.”

“Do you mean school? That’s not such a big deal.” Her tone turns encouraging. “You’ll finish your masters in no time. If you go to school through the winter term, pick up another class in the spring, and go to class all through summer you can finish in another year. You’ve done it before. And in the interim you guys can call, plan visits, maybe take a trip together over spring break.”

“No, Kay,” I shake my head. “I’m going back with him. To Spain.”

Karina’s voice betrays her confusion. “Oh. That’s nice.”

“Right after you and Brent leave for your honeymoon. Obviously I’ll go home first, pack up my things, and make sure the apartment is cleared out for Marcia. But most likely, I’ll be gone by the time you get back.”

I watch as the fiery flakes of amber in her eyes fizzle out to black. Heavy tears roll down her lashes and she blinks them away. She slumps forward, the weight of the realization settling on her shoulders. “Oh.”

Neither of us says anything.

“I didn’t realize it would happen so quickly.” She presses her lips together. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. I don’t want to be here anymore. Living in the apartment Dad left behind when he got sick of me, full of things that aren’t mine—that were borrowed and handed down—always reminded of how alone I am.”

Karina’s voice trembles. “You aren’t alone. You have me.”

“Kay,” I reach out and grab her hand. “You’re married now. Things are going to be different.”

“No, it won’t! Brent and I are going to be right over the Hudson River. It’s…it’s an hour-long drive or a bus and two trains and…our new house has a guestroom. You can stay with us whenever you want. And we have a pool!” she rambles. “We bought a house with a pool because we know how much you love going to the pool during the summer and we were going to have barbeques and sleepovers and parties and…and…”

Karina hiccups and neither of us can see each other through the blur of tears. She’s dainty enough to blow her nose into a tissue while I drag my dress sleeve across my wet cheeks.

She whispers, “We’ve never lived further than a car ride away from each other.”

“Or a bus and two trains.”

She laughs and even crying, she still manages to look beautiful. Growing up I always wanted to be like Karina. Elegant, strong, lovely, even regal. Everyone in the family looks up to her but none more than me.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do without you. We’ve always been together.” She wipes under her eyes. “I mean, you practically planned my wedding. Brent was a prop in a black tux. I should’ve married you instead.”

I giggle. “That sounds a little incestuous.”

She pushes my shoulder and this time we’re both laughing. “You know what I mean!”

“I do.”

“Dee?”

“Yeah, Kay.”

“I’m really going to miss you.” She takes my hand and squeezes. I squeeze back. “It’s always been us against the world.”