Page 73 of No Darker Temptation

“I’m sleeping in Lettie’s room. If you need me, call for me. I’ll leave the door open.”

“How long are you going to keep punishing me?” His eyes finally open. “Por favor, Dahlia…no seas tan injusta conmigo.”

“I’m not punishing you,” I reply.

“Really? You’ve barely said more than a few sentences to me all week and only ever come in when I’m not here or you think I’m asleep. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.” He sighs. “Ya te dije que⁠—”

“I know. You’re sorry. I’m aware.”

Alejandro and I have never fought before. To be honest, I’m not even sure if this constitutes as a fight. All I know is that it’s difficult to be around him without experiencing intense longing mingled with bitter resentment. His fight with Sandro was more serious than he initially let on and in the heat of the moment, he must not have realized how badly he’d been injured. He hasn’t left the house and has been working out of the downstairs study for the past week. And when he isn’t working, he’s here, sleeping off the heavy sedatives the doctor prescribes him because it’s the only thing that numbs the pain.

When I needed him most, he let his temper get the better of him and I might’ve been able to forgive him if he hadn’t been so reckless and confronted Sandro. What if that fight had escalated to something we couldn’t come back from? If he had killed Sandro or worse, if Sandro had killed him. As time passes, I’m exposed to different sides of Alejandro I can’t always reconcile myself with, each one more difficult to accept than the last. I can only stretch my ethics so far. I’m already manipulating my moral compass within an inch of shattering.

Loving him is killing something inside me but I don’t know what. Am I as reckless as he is because I continue to dive headfirst into the abyss, losing myself to this obsession? Because the only thing more dangerous than being with him is being without him. I think that would kill me before whatever it is that makes me fear him as much as I want him.

He tilts his head and looks up at me through a rim of dark lashes, eyes deep hazel in the lamplight. He’s so beautiful and I don’t just mean physically. It’s in his manner of being, the rhythm in his voice when he speaks, the power of his presence when he enters a room. Heavily medicated and drowsy, he still manages to give me his undivided attention, gaze intense enough to make me flush with heat. All this mixed together with the elegant height of his cheekbones, the shape of his full, seductive mouth, and a mess of dark hair hanging over his brow makes him a recipe for disaster.

I never stood a chance. One look at him and I was gone forever.

“¿Por qué me miras así?”

I hadn’t realized I was staring. “What?”

He slips a hand around my neck and sits up in bed.

“Alex—”

“Dahlia.” He buries his face in the crook of my neck, inhaling deeply. “I think if you pull away from me right now, I’ll die.”

“You almost did.”

His hand creeps up the column of my neck, fingers tangling in my loose hair. “It’ll be a cold day in Hell before Sandro ever gets the better of me.”

I pull away but only as far as his tightening grip will allow me. “I’m being serious.”

“So am I.” He presses a kiss against my throat. A bolt of pleasure runs through me. “If you think a few broken ribs is cause for worry, you should’ve seen the state of him when I left. He’s lucky he’s still breathing.”

I go still.

Alejandro doesn’t seem to notice. As if miraculously healed from his injuries he comes to life on his own, sitting up in bed without wincing in pain, breaths finally deep and steady as his hands roam across my body. He kisses across my collarbone and up the length of my neck before saying, “Please, don’t leave tonight. I already told you I’m sorry—stop punishing me like this. Not being able to touch you is torture. I’d rather be dead.”

I’m not sure if he meant it in jest or not but this time when I push away from him, he startles and drops his hands.

“Dee—”

“Is that what you went over there for?” I ask, unable to conceal the emotion in my voice as my eyes well with tears. “You thought the two of you could settle your feud once and for all. Fight it out until someone got the upper hand and killed the other? Is that what you wanted?”

His eyes darken. “Of course not⁠—”

“Because you certainly didn’t do it for me. Was your ego wounded? Did you think you needed to defend my honor?” I ask. “You went alone and unarmed to Sandro’s headquarters without telling anyone. What good would it have done me if he’d killed you instead?”

I untangle myself from him physically, which does nothing for how I feel mentally.

“I already live in fear of something happening to you. Every. Single. Day. And I accept it because it’s part of life with you. It’s the price I have to pay to be with you. However, it’s one thing to live with an abstract threat looming over our heads, and another thing entirely for you to go out and seek the threat yourself.” I swallow against the tightness in my throat, struggling to see him beyond fresh tears. “Don’t you understand? You’re everything to me. I don’t have anyone else. If something happens to you, I’m all alone.

“You have no idea what it costs me to love you. What I have to accept and condone and make peace with. The awful, horrible, vile things I’ve seen you do. It’s fucked up, Alex,” I whisper, voice laced with pain and regret in equal measure. “The least you can do is not make it more difficult for me. And at the very least you can be there for me when I need you. Because right now, I don’t feel love. I feel like running away.”

Ican’t sleep in Lettie’s room.