Page 8 of No Darker Temptation

Knowing Tia Paula, she probably won’t stop there with the disparaging body comments. Instinctively, I tighten my shawl around my shoulders and get up from where I’m seated on a sparkly white couch.

“I think it’s because the sleeves are a little low. This dress doesn’t come in petite.” I walk behind her and lift the lace sleeves of the dress. Now, the neckline hugs her breasts where it’s supposed to and the cleavage is there but not overwhelming. “I could never wear a dress like this. I’d look like Cousin Jessica.”

Her mouth quirks. “Which one?”

“Slutty Cousin Jessica. The one who wears the puta dresses our grandmother hates.”

A huff of laughter leaves her lips. When our gazes meet in the mirror her eyes are glossed over. I give her a tight squeeze and kiss her cheek. The tension melts from her shoulders almost immediately.

In the same way I have always felt insecure about being tall and full-figured, sexualized before my time, Karina falls victim to the infantilized gaze of everyone around us. She is tiny and petite and all the curves she once had have dissolved from her figure over the last five months. A combination of stress from the wedding and her mother’s scrutiny, no doubt. I almost think to comment on it myself—ask her if she’s okay and if she’s been eating properly—but don’t know if I’d be contributing to the problem instead of making it better. The last thing Karina needs right now is another person commenting on her weight which she’s struggled with her entire life.

The seamstress puts a few pins into place and I check my phone for the fortieth time in the last hour. Tia Paula says, “Él no va a llamar.”

I shove my phone in my pocket. “What?”

“It’s already late in Europe.”

Karina spins around. “Ma!”

I look at my cousin. “You big mouth, you told her!”

“I didn’t!” Karina panics then guiltily rubs her sweaty palms down the gown’s bodice. “Okay maybe I did.”

“Maldita chismosa.”

“Oh come on! She made it seem like she already knew and it slipped out!”

“Uh.” The seamstress gets to her feet. “I’m going to the back to get something. Call me if you need anything.”

She scurries away, likely to escape whatever is about to transpire in this room. Sensing my aunt is about to go off on one of her outdated speeches on romance, I plop down on the white sofa, simmering in place, while Karina scrambles to descend from the dais.

If looks could kill, Karina would be ash in her wedding gown. “I hate you.”

She presses her lips together, amber gaze darting between me and her mother. “Ma, drop it.”

“No sé qué te pasa, Dahlia.” My aunt expels a deep breath as she rests her hands on her hips. “Do you want to be alone for the rest of your life? Because Karina is already on her way to securing her future.”

“Karina is older than me and has been with Brent for years. I wasn’t about to rearrange my entire life for a guy I only knew three months.”

“¿Y por qué no? Sí ustedes dos están enamorados. You’ve been miserable since you got back, you live on your phone waiting for him to call, but you won’t talk to us about what happened. Did he tell you to leave? Did you break up?”

I’m not sure how to answer her so I remain silent.

Karina jumps in. “Dahlia was enrolled in a graduate program already. She is securing her future. Just because it looks different from mine doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”

“Ah, ¿sí? Ella encuentra un hombre educado, establecido, buen proveedor, que la ama.”

My glare intensifies. “How much did you tell her?”

She shrugs meekly and scurries into the nearby dressing room to get out of her gown.

“And what does she do? Give that up for a graduate program.” She turns to address me. “You already have a degree! What more do you want?”

“Oh I don’t know… Independence? Stability?” I rattle the list off on my fingers. “Maybe to own things that weren’t given to me by a man because marriage in exchange for financial stability has never made any of the women in this family very happy.”

I regret it as soon as I say it. My aunt’s back stiffens and her arms drop to her sides. Her marriage to my uncle has always been her Achilles heel and the last thing I want to do is blow through her self-esteem. Just because my love life is riddled with insecurity doesn’t give me the right to disparage my aunt for hers, no matter how distasteful her romantic advice may be. I remind myself that despite their considerable youth, the rift between our parents’ generation and ours is enormous. They grew up in a much different time than us, raised by traditional parents from the island.

Of course, Tia Paula is going to prioritize marrying a provider. That was what she had to do, coming from an impoverished family with no high school diploma let alone a college education. She had to drop out at fifteen to help her mother take care of their family when her father died. And even though she thinks I don’t understand where she’s coming from, I get the logic behind it. But Karina and I are growing up in a world where women don’t need husbands. We get to choose marriage out of love and not necessity. I don’t think my aunt ever had that option.