Page 94 of No Darker Temptation

Exhaling deeply, I lift myself off the table and follow him out of the warehouse. “Before we go, I need you to do something for me first.”

Dimitrio turns his head. “Anything.”

“I need you to call my lawyer.”

Dahlia

Idrift in and out of restless sleep, unable to shake the image of my mother out of my head.

She was so beautiful. And I don’t mean she was beautiful because she was my mother, I mean she was breathtaking. Striking, vivacious, absolutely brimming with life. Yet, for all her external beauty, she was dark and calamitous on the inside.

Often times her temperament could be as violent and changeable as a storm at sea. Dad begged her for years to get help and she might have if their relationship wasn’t so turbulent. Or it could’ve been the other way around; things between her and Dad would’ve played out differently if she had gotten help sooner. Maybe she would still be alive.

I try not to think about it much. Memories of her are shoved so far into the recesses of my mind that this afternoon was the first time I remembered the anniversary of her death. It’ll be ten years next month.

How strange…that Alejandro and I both lost parents within months of each other. We were both at different but equally vulnerable stages in our life and I believe those losses shaped the adults we’ve grown into. For Alejandro, it was coming to terms with his father’s legacy and all the unrealized dreams he finally had to let go of. For me…

For me, it’s my handling of this relationship. I crave love and companionship with consuming desperation while simultaneously fearing the level of dependency and submission that comes along with it. There are so many things about my relationship with Alejandro that terrify me and it goes beyond what he does for a living.

I don’t know how to let someone else take care of me. From a young age I’ve been in survival mode and I haven’t been able to flip that switch off. Considering living in a gray space of morality, Alejandro still processes a degree of emotional stability. Whereas I have a problem with something as simple as using his credit card.

My credit card. The one he gave me because he loves me and cares about me and wants me to have financial freedom while I figure things out after uprooting my entire life and moving to another continent to be with him. He doesn’t pressure me to work, maintain the house, take care of him. He doesn’t want me to do anything I don’t want to do and instead, waits around for me to tell him what I want so he can magically make it happen. Like me asking to enroll in a local university literal weeks before the fall semester.

What the actual fuck is wrong with me? Who cares if the guy breaks a few necks every once in a while; he treats me like a freaking princess!

I roll over in bed and groan into my pillow. My head is spinning. Ever since that afternoon in the cellar, I haven’t been the same. Not really. My emotions flip-flop, I’m hot and then I’m cold, and even I can acknowledge that none of my own logic makes sense half the time. I need to get a fucking grip. If I don’t get a hold of myself, I am going to ruin the single best thing that’s ever happened to me.

Time passes and I doze off again, only to be awoken by the mattress shifting. I startle a bit, caught off guard by the sudden movement. Alejandro quickly touches my shoulder.

“I’m sorry, go back to bed. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

We were supposed to have dinner together at home tonight but the events of the day didn’t allow it. Still, I waited up for him as long as I could but whatever else that he was taking care of kept him out much longer than either of us expected.

“How’s your grandfather?”

“Fine.” He has his back to me and is sitting on the edge of the bed. I watch him put his phone to charge on the nightstand. “Hating all the attention he’s getting.”

I smile sleepily. “Typical Latino grandfather.”

“That he is.” He opens the top drawer and makes sure his gun is there the way he does every night, and then closes it.

All the lights are off so I can’t see much in the darkness. Only the outline of his body illuminated by the moonlight and a glimpse of his profile as he turns his head and adjusts his pillow.

I’m not sure what it is—the emotional rollercoaster of the last twenty-four hours or simple lust—but I feel the need to be close to him. After orientation I was so excited to come home and tell him about my day. And when I was in the hospital with Lettie and Don Salazar, I was stressed and worried in a way I haven’t been since I was thirteen-years-old, watching my mother come off life support.

There’s been distance between us for a long time but tonight, I can finally feel some of it melting away. Adjusting to this new lifestyle has come with a learning curve but I think I’m finally over the hump. Whatever comes after this, I want to know that we’re in a good place going forward because I love him and I don’t want to leave him.

Regina told me the next Narvaez matriarch wasn’t going to be a prissy girl with a faint heart and she’s right. It’s just going to take me some time to mold myself into this person, but I’m willing to do it. I want to because I want him.

I move across the bed and rest my chin on his shoulder, wrapping an arm around him from behind. He covers his hand with mine and squeezes.

“I wanted to ask. How did you manage to get inside? When I went, they were still only allowing family in. Dimitrio had to wait outside.”

I kiss the side of his neck. “I lied and told them I was your wife.”

“Did you now?”

“I figured you wouldn’t mind.”