Page 120 of No Greater Oblivion

Ilinger in the kitchen for a while before mustering up the courage to join the rest of the party.

By now, most of the house has cleared out save a few stragglers collecting their coats and their children. They kiss Tia Paula goodbye at the door and I help my cousin Evan get my grandparents into the car. He lives closest to them and despite my aunt’s insistence, Abuelo doesn’t want to sleepover tonight. He says it’s because he forgot my grandmother’s blood pressure medicine in the bathroom cabinet but really, I just think he can’t stand to be in this house after what my uncle did. My aunt tries putting up a fight and since I’d rather not freeze my ass off in her driveway, I head back inside.

Alejandro’s in the living room watching TV. I come up behind him and place my hand on his shoulder but when he turns around, a baby’s rattle swings in my direction.

I duck just in time before it hits my cheek. “Whoa!”

“Sorry.” He smooths his hand down the baby’s arm and catches the rattle before she can swing at me again. “If I try taking it away, she starts screaming.”

“Whose kid is that?”

He shrugs as he adjusts her against his chest. “I don’t know. I was helping Brent with the VHS player and I felt a tug on my pants. She wouldn’t stop crying until I picked her up.”

I reach out and tuck the baby’s hair behind her ears so I can see her face more clearly. “This is Emilce’s daughter, Mia. Karina told me she just started crawling last night. Apparently, she likes to wreak havoc.”

“She’s very sweet.” Mia reaches up to grab his face and he kisses her cheek instead. “She just wanted to be held.”

It’s easy to forget Alejandro and Diego are related sometimes. They’re so outwardly different; Diego’s fun, easy-going persona often at odds with Alejandro’s more reserved, parental way of being. But they’re both deeply empathetic and nurturing.

Diego can make anyone feel safe enough to experience vulnerability and Alejandro can make anyone feel protected enough to be vulnerable.

Karina must’ve cried her heart out on the patio with Diego, meanwhile Mia rests her head on Alejandro’s chest and drifts off into deep sleep.

He smiles as if surprised to watch Mia’s eyes fall close. He looks up at me and I shake my head.

“Don’t get any ideas.”

“I don’t have any ideas.”

“And you won’t have any until after this uterus turns thirty.”

“Will we?” he asks earnestly. “One day?”

“You sound very eager.”

“Not eager. Longing,” he replies quietly. “I know I’m older than you so it’s different for me. And it’s all right—I can wait. I don’t mind the waiting.”

Mia shifts and he holds her like glass, one arm supporting the weight of her little body and his free hand cradling her head against his chest.

“But I want this—I had this. A mother and a father in a big house with siblings and too many relatives.”

“Alex…” I wring my hands, unsure of what to say. “Karina had this. Not me. I…sometimes I think I want it but other times, I wonder if I only want it because I didn’t have it.”

“I know.”

“And I’d like to think that one day, I will get married. I’ll have children and a family and a home.”

“Are you afraid of it?”

“What? No⁠—”

“I can feel you pulling away from me. Wait, please. Let me finish,” he says. “I know most of it is my fault and I know that no matter how many times I tell you it isn’t you, that the problem is something else, it won’t change how you feel. I can’t promise it’ll be better tomorrow or the day after but I can tell you it’s something I have to work through. And I would never risk us or our happiness if something more important, like our lives or our safety, wasn’t at stake.

“If this is just a rough patch, than I’m here. I’ll work through it with you and we can wait out the storm together. But…if you aren’t happy…if this isn’t something you want any more then you have to tell me. Because this is the future I want but only if you’re going to be in it.”

I swallow against the tightness in my throat. “You got all that from holding a random baby?”

“Jesus!”