Page 18 of No Merciful Corruption

“I know, it’s just—” She cuts herself off and struggles for a moment to collect herself. When she speaks next, it’s in a hushed tone. “Her relationship with her father is very layered and very complicated. And on top of that, Karina’s here. I’m just worried about what’ll happen when she wakes up.”

“Karina says Dahlia’s falling out with her father didn’t happen the way she describes it.” I say contemplatively. “What do you think?”

“What does it matter what I think?”

“You’re objective and honest and I trust you. That’s why it matters.”

Her shoulders slump forward with defeat. “Let’s put it like this. You felt it, didn’t you?”

“Felt what?”

“What it was like to be loved by her. To have all her attention and affection. To be the one she turns to, the one she looks for. But you also know what it’s like to be hated by her.” Her eyes are heavy with a sorrow I can’t name. “It hurts, doesn’t it?”

“Did it hurt you?”

“Yes. Dahlia doesn’t know what it means for a punishment to suit the crime. She toggles between two extremes: extreme love and extreme hate. She doesn’t know any other way to be.” Lyss explains. “That’s why when she’s hurt, she spirals out of control. She doesn’t know how to regulate herself and instead, stumbles into self-destruction.”

“And why do you think that is?”

“You’re asking a lot of questions.”

“I don’t think I understand her anymore.”

Her eyes soften with sympathy. “But you want to. And that’s worth so much more to her.”

I stare at my cup for a moment before touching the side. The liquid inside has gone cold. “Lyss?”

“Yeah?”

“Tell me more about Gael.”

She heaves another side. “Well…we were in the 8th grade. And Dahlia was waiting for her father to show up at our confirmation…”

* * *

No one leaves the hospital that night. Not even Damiano.

Lyss drifts in and out of sleep and when her head lulls to the side, Sasha catches her just before she falls. I half expect him to shake her awake so she isn’t infringing on his personal space but for once he doesn’t seem to mind. In a rare display of compassion, he lets her sleep with her head on his shoulder and leaves his coat on her lap so she doesn’t get cold.

Damiano can’t sit still for more than a few minutes. He’ll pace, take a lap around the floor, go up and down a flight of stairs, before eventually sitting in a corner on the floor and then he’s up again. Karina and Gael are quiet and dutiful. Karina busies herself with a collection of magazines while Gael murmurs quietly under his breath. I think he might be praying.

There’s so much I want to ask him. Gael is nothing short of fascinating to me, a mystery I want to solve. In him I’ll find the answer to every question I’ve ever had about Dahlia. She’s always kept her personal history in a vault and I never know if it’s out of fear, avoidance, shame, or all three. Maybe if I knew Gael, I’d understand his daughter better.

The sun must be rising. A sliver of light creeps across the linoleum floors as I continue my pacing. I look up and across the room, half shaded windows reveal a yellow, blue, and gray sky.

The waiting room doors swing open and Dr. Kosan enters. I cross the room to him in seconds.

“How was it?” I ask.

Lyss comes up behind me, suddenly awake. “Is she okay? Why did it take so long?”

Dr. Kosan holds up his hands in an effort to calm us down. “The surgery went well. We were able to remove all the bullet fragments and stop the bleeding.”

“When can we see her?” Lyss presses. “Is she in recovery yet? Will she be all right?”

“I have no reason to believe she won’t make a full recovery.” Dr. Kosan tells us. “She’s very lucky. It could’ve been a lot worse.”

My first instinct is to run to her and I almost do but I remember Gael and Karina are here. As Dahlia’s only blood relatives present their rights supersede mine. What if only family members are allowed to visit for now?