Page 46 of No Merciful Corruption

She blinks profusely and fresh tears roll down the lengths of mascara coated lashes. After taking a deep breath and squaring her shoulders she says, “I’m off tomorrow. I’d really like it if you came over for lunch. Around one o’clock?”

She closes her coat and slings her purse over her shoulder as she slides out of the booth. Tosses a few bills onto the table and says, “I really, really hope you come.”

TWO GIRLS FROM KINDERGARTEN

Dahlia

Seated on the edge of the kitchen island, Lyss swings her legs back and forth as she bites into an apple.

“You’re going to scrub the grout right out of those tiles.”

“Shut up, Alyssa.”

“You can’t be mad at me forever. We live together.”

“Watch me.”

She sighs and hops down from the counter. “I was only trying to help. Your life is a mess and⁠—”

“Yes but it is my life! My mess!” I argue. “And you had no right to insert yourself into my relationship with Karina. My issues with her have nothing to do with you.”

Lyss huffs with frustration. “My God you’re annoying.”

My head jerks up and I drop the brush in my hand. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, look at me, I have a gorgeous, stupidly wealthy boyfriend who treats me like a fucking princess!” She gestures wildly. “And I live in a beautiful house with my amazing best friend and a bunch of unlimited credit cards! Woe is me!”

I bolt to my feet. “You’re such an asshole!”

“Grow up! You’re about to be 24-years-old this summer; you’re getting too old for this shit.” she places both hands on her hips as she stares me down. “You know, sometimes I think my life sucks. Like sucks bad. But then I remember all I have to do is find whatever room you’re in and sit down for a free show like Nicole Kidman at an AMC!”

“My life and what I’m going through is not entertainment, Alyssa.”

“Oh give me a fucking break, Dahlia. There are worse things in the world than your cousin trying to make amends or Alejandro and me not telling you about what happened in the hospital.” She fires back. “You have a bad habit of holding grudges and you end up cutting your nose to spite your face. When are you going to grow out of it? When are you going to learn that the only person you’re hurting is yourself?”

Shame washes over me and curdles in my stomach. She searches my gaze for answers but finds none.

I can’t bring myself to speak.

“Has it ever occurred to you that maybe Karina wasn’t completely to blame for what happened?” She says. “A man doesn’t have to hit his wife to mistreat her. Maybe it’s worth a conversation with Karina to find out.”

“I just—” I scramble for the words but come up short. “Well…stop yelling at me!”

“Fine!” she exclaims. “I’m done yelling!”

Frustrated, I plop down on the island stool and try to steady my breathing. A few stray tears escape and I wipe them away. Lyss’s stance softens.

“I’m sorry, okay?” she huffs in frustration. “But you’re impossible to get through to sometimes. An atomic bomb couldn’t bring down the walls around you.”

“I don’t know why I am this way,” I tell her as I chase the tears away with my freehand. “I really am trying. There are things I need to answer for and people to whom I owe apologies. But I feel like I’m collapsing on the inside. Like the foundation of who I am is deteriorating faster than I can rebuild it. And no one even notices.”

Lyss stays quiet.

“I’m doing everything wrong. When am I going to get something right?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know.”

I cut her a look. “That was a rhetorical question, Alyssa.”