Page 11 of Nosfer-Meet You

I let out a wheezing cough and mutter, “It’s been so long…”

She cradles my head in her lap and stares deeply into my eyes. It’s the most comforting gesture I’ve ever experienced. “Yes, Scotty?”

“So long since … a woman’s touched me,” I rasp.

Juliette smacks me across my shoulder, and I let out another wheezing cough.

“Ow,” I moan. Then the strangest thing happens.

Juliette laughs. And it’s the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard.

I expected her to cackle, or at the very least growl. But this … this sounds like music. Her voice is light and feminine like a little bell, and if it could, I’m sure my heart would flutter against my broken ribs.

“Wow,” I say, and without thinking, cup her cheeks in my palms. “Well, isn’t that the sweetest sound?”

Juliette swallows her laughter and stares at me, like she can’t decide if she wants to pull away or … or … kiss me, perhaps? Or hug? When’s the last time I was hugged? It’s been a couple of decades, at least. Not since the nineties. And not even my own mother hugged me. And girlfriends? Forget it. They mostly just want to take a spin on my dick and leave before dinner.

Gods, I’m such a loser.

But Juliette looks at me like I wish girls looked at me, with a sort of longing they only write about in books and songs. The kind of songs I used to write before…

Then, as quickly as the moment comes, it’s over, and she’s turning away from me. I clear my throat and push myself up to stand. My body’s finally done healing itself, it seems. Juliette glances up at me and furrows her brow.

“It’s okay, I’m fine,” I say, and run my fingers through my hair. When I look at my hand, it’s covered in blood. My blood, coagulated and so dark it’s almost black. That stupid fucking paladin. “Didn’t know the paladins were still a thing, though. That would have been good to know.” That’s what I get for not paying attention to anything outside of the club and music scene, I guess. Paladins are dangerous, but at least they’re not Templars. The Templar Order is ancient. While the Helsings are a newer division in the anti-monster squad, formed sometime in the late eighties, the Templar Order has been around since the twelfth century.

They were on the scene during the Crusades and when Joan of Arc was burned at the stake. I encountered a small sect of them back in a pub in Scotland. The second I saw them at the bar, laughing it up over a few pints, I turned around and left the UK for good. I don’t fuck with Templars. No one should.

“They’re rare, but yes,” Juliette says, standing up beside me. She looks me up and down once more, checking me over for any signs of injury. “I’m sorry. I only noticed the silhouette from a distance, but I didn’t know.”

I throw my arm around her shoulder and give her a cheesy grin. “No sweat. We survived, didn’t we? And we bagged three bodies. We could always take them to go. Do a movie some other time.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Go where?”

“Back down to ‘Le Salon de Juliette,’ of course. I mean, I know food’s best eaten fresh, but takeaway could be nice. Besides, we don’t want to run into any more of those chucklefucks.”

Juliette tilts her head. “What is a ‘chucklefuck?’ More slang? British slang?”

I shake my head. “No. I know I’m younger than you, probably, judging from your clothing, but I’ve been around long enough to steal slang from a bunch of different places. Besides, it’s 2025. Gotta get with the times. I know it’s probably more comfortable living in the sewers and all, but you’ve got to get out more.”

Juliette’s face falls even more than usual. I’ve said something wrong, obviously. But the trouble is … when I say something wrong to women, I never know how to fix it. Whenever I try, I wind up digging my grave even deeper.

“Sorry,” I say with a shrug. “Didn’t mean to offend you.”

Juliette nudges me in the arm and points at the dead bodies lying several feet away from us. “We should get these back if we’re taking them ‘to go,’ as you said.”

I nod. “Yeah. Though it’s probably going to take a few trips.” She’s really small, and there’s no way I can expect her to carry everything. Especially not after she saved me from getting ‘purged by the light’ or whatever nonsense that paladin was spouting. But Juliette bounds up to one of the bodies and, in a single swift movement, tosses it over her shoulder. My mouth falls open.

“W-Wait. How did you—” I start.

Juliette shrugs. “One of my powers. Nosferatu are very strong.”

Yeah. Evidently.

She lifts the other body and tosses it over her shoulder. “But you can carry him.” She motions to the dead paladin.

I cringe. Moving that over-sized dumpster is going to be the death of me, but … for her, I’ll do it. Because she saved your sorry ass, Scotty. You owe her. Yeah. I definitely owe her.

Chapter 6