46
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I was not only a fool but I was a naive fool.
Of course Raegan knew.
How could he have not known?
Raegan knew my scent, likely better than any other did, so why had I not thought that he might recognize Rory’s alongside it? He was a male and I knew that meant he was more in tune with those sorts of things, not to mention he was just a little possessive, and yet I had not thought for a second that he would be on to me.
This whole time. This whole time he knew, and he didn’t say a thing to me.
Did he feel betrayed? Heartbroken?
Did he even care?
Was this whole thing just a trick? A set up to mock me? To cause me such embarrassment that the height I was left to fall at was critical in every way?
No, a little voice hissed in my head. And I believed it, only because Raegan could fake a lot of things, could pretend to be a lot of people, but what he was last night and who he became in the moments we shared together, it was not fake. He was not fake.
No, something else caused him to turn a blind eye to the fact that I was betraying him. I just didn’t know what it was.
~
It took me far too long to get dressed. Mostly because I couldn’t decide whether to slide into my dress and perform an innocent walk-of-shame back to my room only to find real clothes, or if it would be strange for me to simply take some of Raegan’s. I decided on the latter, using a strange sort of belt to keep his far-too-large pants up above my hip bones, where I tucked a tunic of Choilltean’s soft material in tight.
I looked ridiculous, but it granted me one small kindness: I could book it from the castle, run as fast as my tired legs could take me, and avoid the risk of bumping into someone that I knew only for the truth to be splattered all over my face.
If I heard a single person ask me, Are you okay, I would combust. Quite literally, there would be little shards of Olivia flying in all directions from the weight of those three words alone. Because, no. No, I was not okay.
I was a stupid human in love with a realm that couldn’t keep me, and even if it could, I would never be accepted into it in the way I wanted to be. My friends on the outside – not that I had considered Rory a friend prior to this very moment – had decided, for some reason, to trick me into stumbling back into Saoghal, manipulating me into drinking a fertility tonic. I had not only betrayed Raegan once but twice as I planned to release Tadgh, the Prince whose mother and Queen was just slaughtered and threatened the complete downfall of the world I loved. And I was in love with a stubborn, brooding, sly-minded pixie king.
Yes, I was in love with him.
But none of it mattered because everything was as far away from okay as could be.
Of all of those issues, though, I could solve one.
Which meant returning to Rory.
~
I was hopeful and only a tiny bit delusional as I sprinted out of the castle, ignoring the guards that floated down the hallways and abruptly launched themselves out of my path as if I was capable of bulldozing them. A few called after me, as if they didn’t recognize me when I wasn’t at Killian or Raegan’s side, shouting for me to be seized.
So I took the anger that was steaming my veins into mush and turned it into fuel, until I felt the harsh heat of the sun boring down on me as I at last found myself on the other side of the Cluaineach castle doors. And there, for only a second, I paused in my grand escape and dared to look back at the sweeping architecture of glistening clay, adorning moss, and blossoming flowers. I didn’t want to think this way, but for only the flash of a moment, I considered that it could be the last time I looked upon the place that had so quickly become home.
Swallowing those thoughts, choosing not to dive into darkness but to rise like a hurling flame, I growled like a pixie, spun on my heel, and started my mad dash from the kingdom and towards the meeting spot.
Rory, according to our plans, would be waiting there. At this time on this day, he would be eagerly awaiting an update and hopefully an answer to all of his, and Saoghal’s, problems.
The problem was, as I continued my maddened sprint out of Cluaineach, nearing over an hour at such a speed with not so much as a cramp in my legs, I realized I couldn’t remember where we were to meet. Previously I had relied on his hair, on the brightness and beacon-like hue of bright purple that stuck out amongst the green grass and couldn’t be missed even if one was trying.
But there was nothing.
No one.
That, or I was in the wrong place.