Page 56 of Why Broken Wings Fray

Perhaps that was love. Maybe I had spent so many years misunderstanding poems and songs, dances and drawings.

I hadn’t said anything in a while, simply resorted to staring at Killian, so he decided to keep speaking. And I truly wished he hadn’t.

“I think…” he trailed off, contemplating whether or not to admit that was already overly apparent on his face. “I spoke to a lot of pixies, when you left. About Cernunnos and bonds. And… well, I think…”

Don’t say it, Killian.

“I think we could be mates.”

Everything that had built up in me, all of the warmth and comfort and safety in Killian, plummeted down my throat and settled heavy in my stomach. My mouth fell open, of its own accord, and I stared at him.

I now understood why Raegan had reacted the way he did when I claimed the same between the two of us. Except whereas Raegan didn’t care about me or my feelings, I did care about Killian and his, and I had no idea how to react to that information without shattering the very important love I had for him.

“What makes you think that?” Oh, my voice was so small and frail he had to know what I was thinking.

In reality, I wasn’t sure what I was thinking. Yes, I felt a certain way about Raegan that had made me consider him paired to me in some way, but that was different. Being around Raegan felt chaotic and cataclysmic, an all-consuming sort of burning within me that threw me in his direction even when I wanted nothing more than to run in the opposite direction.

But I looked at Killian and considered that previous possibility, that perhaps this was love and therefore it could be something more.

“I just… Well, I suppose…” Killian shook his head several times. “Being around you just feels right.”

“Is there no way? To know for sure, I mean?”

Killian shrugged. “They say Cernunnos is ever-watching. For some, he places the bond within them the moment they look upon one another. For others, they must face the tribulations of life before he will grant them such a thing. So, no. Not until he wishes to show it to us.”

He was so sure. Just as I had been the moment I looked at Raegan when I returned to Saoghal. How was that possible? How was it possible that it was a bone-ringing sort of agony when I looked at Raegan, and yet he denied it, and now Killian stood in front of me and announced the same, and I denied it? Whatever Cernunnos was doing, he was being cruel with it.

“But I’m human.”

Killian bobbed his head side to side. “I haven’t quite figured that part out. Truthfully, I didn’t think I would ever have to figure that out. Because you were gone and I didn’t think it would matter. But you’re back, now, and I can’t help but think it’s more than a coincidence.”

I was glad I was so comfortable around Killian, because it made asking the awkward questions so much easier. “You think the mating bond brought me back to you?”

“And perhaps it was what drew us together, right over there,” Killian said as he pointed to St. Michael’s Mount.

“I thought the maple-syrup porridge brought you to me.”

He laughed. “Sure. No, you are right. You are right, Olivia. I am being absurd.”

I placed a hand on his arm and smiled when he turned to me. “Do not love me, Killian.”

There was no hiding the flash of agony behind his eyes as he blinked down at me.

“I am destined to leave. Always. Forever. And even if we somehow got past that, I am a human and I am not immortal. Loving me will only end in pain for you.”

He wrapped his large arm around my shoulder and pulled me into him. “You are too kind for this world or any other. Unfortunately, it makes me love you all the more.”

We both laughed at that, at the awkwardness but the tenderness of whatever was between us. Sighing, I set myself into the curve of his side and rested my head on his rounded shoulder.

26

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I wasn’t sure what I was expecting upon my return to Cluaineach, Killian in tow at my side and nearly dragging me the entire way. There was excitement when we strolled up to the castle doors and saw none other than Shea and Aisling awaiting us, the latter throwing her arms around my neck and nearly taking me to the ground, while the former grunted and met Killian in a strange shake-of-the-forearms.

I shouldn’t have, and I knew I shouldn’t have, but once I finally got Aisling free of me, I looked over and behind her. And deep down, I knew why I did it. I knew who I hoped would have been there to greet me. Yet it still destroyed something small and tired in me when he was nowhere to be seen.

“You smell like fish,” Shea snarled as she finally stepped back from Killian and assessed him head-to-toe.