Page 76 of Why Broken Wings Fray

“Just… Thank you, Olivia.”

It was this moment, above all of the others, that finally made me solidify what I wanted to do.

No longer would I commit myself to betraying Raegan, to betraying his kingdom or his castle.

When Rory had first mentioned the task at hand, I truthfully hadn’t considered it a betrayal. I had been innocent and naive enough to believe that I was saving Raegan, that I could somehow take his fate and make it do as I wished.

I knew, now, how that was a betrayal to Raegan. The one thing that Raegan had lacked, his whole life, was control. No one had ever granted it to him, from the moment he was plucked from his life in Cluaineach to this very second as he reigned over a kingdom and did what he had to instead of what he wanted to. So by taking this small thing from Raegan, by trying to alter the path he had set for himself, I was betraying him.

Not to mention that he trusted me. He trusted me, above all of the others, with his darkest and most hidden parts of himself. Much like I trusted him, like I knew I could reveal the rotting and decaying parts of my soul, Raegan felt the same about me. How could I ruin that by doing the bidding of the Rachainn?

They did not know Raegan. They did not understand him. No one did.

I decided, as Raegan smiled at me and motioned for us to move on, that I would do one sweep of his chambers. I would check just once for this document, for this ritual that would allow us to appeal to the gods to unburden Raegan from his throne. Not for the Rachainn, not even for Saoghal itself. I would look for this document for Raegan, to offer him a way out and a path towards a life that he could live away from the masks and the fox-King persona.

And then I would let it go.

I would return to Rory after the Imbolc Ball and I would convince him, and the rest of them, that Raegan was in his right mind. That Raegan wanted nothing more than peace for his people, peace for the pixies, and peace for Saoghal.

And if they didn’t like that, then I would run to Raegan and I would warn him that the Rachainn were coming for him.

That was my plan, and I was dead-set on it.

~

Landing back the streets of Cluaineach was a strange type of dread, not because I hated Cluaineach or I wanted to be away from the magnificent kingdom, but because the moment Rìoghail’s hooves touched down on the path outside of the castle, I knew I would lose Raegan.

He slid down first, his movements swift and easy as his balance remained intact. With a charming half-smile, the King of Talamh offered his hand to me and ended up catching me completely as I awkwardly slid down from Rìoghail and crashed into him.

We both paused in that brief contact, in that momentary closeness, before he cleared his throat and took a sizeable step backwards.

“I have a few things I must see to before the ball tomorrow, Olivia,” Raegan said, dipping his chin respectfully and with an air of friendliness, even though his eyes remained on me and suggested we were anything but. “Your assistance with Queen Tonn was most appreciated. I will not tell you that you must leave Saoghal, as you seem completely incapable of listening to any order I give you–” Raegan laughed, the crinkles beside his eyes tightening. “I am more than happy to watch and observe for the signs that you must return to your regular size. And until then, you are more than welcome to remain here with… Well, to remain here.”

With a sweeping bow, far more than any King should offer any of his subjects, Raegan rose once more and allowed me to see the briefest softening of his eyes. Then he nodded once more, turned on his heel, and strode off.

It was worse than when we were arguing or shouting at one another. At least then I had a reason to crave distance from him. Now, all I wanted to do was trot after him in his shadow and refuse to leave his side.

God, Olivia – needy, much?

I couldn’t help it. I wanted to become a leech and simply siphon off of his presence.

But the King had, respectfully and gently, departed from me in a way that meant we would not see one another for a few hours, at least. So I sighed, rolled my head around on my shoulders to free the stiffness of my neck, and aimed to find my bed and collapse in it.

At least until Shea, Aisling, Liam, and Ciara crossed my path outside of the double doors, hooked my arms in theirs, and dragged me off to plan the Imbolc Ball.

35

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Preparing for the Imbolc Ball was one of many times that I was forced into grief. Grief for Niamh, for the young, full-of-boundless-joy pixie who would have screeched at the thought of helping to plan an entire ball. Simply brushing my hair and dabbing at my face with powders and kohl had her buzzing with excitement, I couldn’t begin to imagine what playing a part in the full planning of a glorious ball and feast would have done to Niamh.

As the handful of Raegan’s ceadan drew me away from the castle and into the village, I remembered Niamh. Her energetic pace, her wide, untameable smile, that auburn hair that somehow brightened up all of her features and left you staring at a creature of unshakable happiness.

“You’re thinking about Niamh, aren’t you?” Shea said as she shoved Aisling off of my left arm and took the position from her, noticeably not touching me.

“Is it that obvious?”

Shea offered me a small, sad smile. Which was weird, considering Shea never smiled so I didn’t expect her to not only be able to, but to have different types. “No. Just that I was thinking about Niamh and hoped someone else was, too.”