Page 78 of Why Broken Wings Fray

“I cannot describe it. Words will never do the feeling justice. My emotions, around him, they change. They become powerful and intense. Every second in his presence is heart-shattering, head-pounding. What I feel between us is like fire, it is unruly and it is unpredictable, it heats me and brings me to life. I’m sure I’m not making any sense. But the very rhythm of my heart changes around him and the way I breathe quickens yet deepens.”

Aisling was listening, her head cocked slightly to the side in curiosity as a look of excitement flashed across her face.

“I have never felt this way before,” I admitted. “It consumes me in every way until I can no longer tell fiction from reality, until I am so lost in it, in him, that I want to be nowhere else.”

She nodded, once, twice, and a third time. For a moment, only a blink, she looked at someone else. But then she was glancing at me again, nodding continued, encouraging my words.

“I must ask you something.”

“Ask me,” she whispered.

“Mates. Niamh… Well, she told me about them, once. Is that what this is? Ignore that I am not a pixie and all of that, but you must tell me. Is that what I’m feeling?”

She bit down on the inside of her cheek, her focus solidifying. I wasn’t sure why, but my world crashed down around me when she shook her head.

“No. A mating bond is clear. Pixies do not doubt the mating bond, it is not there and then it is there, as obvious and physical as a piece of clothing. You would know.”

My frown took to a new shape, curving and making way for sadness, instead. “Then what is this?”

She shrugged, contemplation in her eyes. “Have you ever been in love, Olivia? Because it sounds an awful lot like that.”

My mouth fell open at the same time that I shot upright. I offered her a quick thank you, jumped to my feet, and ignored the four of Raegan’s ceadan as I sprinted away from them. I was renewed in my purpose, in the conversation I wanted to have, and I could not do it – could not ask it of him – until I cleared my conscience of what Rory sent me to do.

~

I was burning my way up the winding staircase of the Cluaineach castle, fireflies in tow and tempting my patience, when I nearly slammed into Killian.

Shit.

In my heart-racing, brainless sprint through Cluaineach with all intentions gone to the wind, I had forgotten about Killian. Killian, soft-hearted, sweet Killian.

But it was time. Time to do what I should have done long ago.

“Olivia,” Killian said through a laugh, dancing out of the way just in time to avoid my forehead smashing into his chest. “Where are you off to in such a hurry?”

There was no good way to respond to that, so I simply blurted out the one sentence that I knew would spiral us into the conversation that I had longed since wanted to avoid. “I need to speak with you.”

I didn’t like the way that his eyes hooded, as if those six words had already crossed his mind. But he nodded, guided me up the staircase, and tucked us into the first empty room he could find.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes. Well, no. Well, no, yes. I’ve been thinking about what you said, while we were in Marazion, and… Well… I don’t know how to–”

His eyes narrowed, though the look was gentle and open somehow. But I saw it, the brief widening of his nostrils, the darkening of his eyes as he must have picked up what scent resided on me.

“Take a breath, Olivia.”

I didn’t want to take a breath. I wanted to spit it out while I had the courage, while I had the strength to crush the fluttering hope that resided in his dark eyes.

“I wish to be honest with you, Killian. I wish to tell you what I feel, even though it may–”

“Raegan,” he sighed, his hand rubbing against his forehead. “This is about Raegan.”

“No. Well, yes. But no. This is… This is about me.” I stepped towards him, my heart on a platter that I knew his was already on, hoping to every one of their gods that he would not destroy mine and that I would not destroy his. “I think I have known for a long time. But I have avoided it.”

Killian nodded, his face shadowed as he tried to look at me. “You do not need to dance around the truth. You are not the only one who has known for a long time, and you are not the only one who has avoided it.”

My mouth fell open as I stared up at him. “What do you mean?”