Page 24 of Riding the Curve

“No,” I growl.

“Emerson, I meant no harm. I’m just trying to help you open your eyes to see that there is a way out of this deep hole that your fears have dragged you into.”

Silence passes between us, and I allow the tension in my shoulders to ease.

“You are going to make mistakes all the way up until your final days on this Earth. There is no age limit or cutoff for the number of times we may falter as we find our places in this life. Em, these little stumbles in life are how we learn. How we continue to grow. We can never make a mistake too big that we can’t come back from.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” I grumble, running a hand through my thick hair.

“You’ve got to stop treating your life like your pursuit of the perfect lap on the track.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like most drivers, you’ve become fascinated with chasing after the ‘perfect lap.’ It’s embedded in the back of your mind during every race. Sometimes, this can be good. The pressure motivates you to remain completely focused, daring to push yourself further with each lap. However, it can also be hazardous. You’re constantly seeking perfection, and I’m afraid that you’ve begun to chase that same feeling in your life as well.”

“Isn’t that the goal? To live the perfect life?”

“No, it isn’t. The goal in life is to be kind, uplift others, find your happiness, and make space in your heart to love and allow yourself to be loved in return. You are not going to find those while holding on to the haunts of your past, or reaching for an unattainable goal. Nobody is perfect, son. That’s how we know we’re human.

“You’re trying to change a future you have no control over. You’re also stuck in the past trying to erase all the mistakes that helped you become the person you are today. Emerson, you’re missing the part in the middle where you are just supposed to live.”

“I know.” Emotion clogs my throat as my hand clenches my thigh. “That’s why I’m here. I need to make some changes.”

“Well then, the first lesson is to stop hovering in the past. This life is one big race, one long road. You don’t live it in reverse. You practice, train, make mistakes, and you grow with each new curve. You keep driving forward until you reach that finish line.”

Truth collides with the web of tangled lies inside my head. Clashing against the horrible myths that I tell myself daily.

“I’m glad you’re home, Em,” he says, pulling my head in to meet his own. “I’m going to help you learn to forgive yourself and remind you of the wonderful man you are.”

Ruffling the top of my hair, he gives me one more quick squeeze on the shoulder and gets out. Leaving me in the car, filled with the one emotion I haven’t felt in a long time.

Hope.

CHAPTER 10

Henley

With one hand on my sore neck and the other massaging my aching back, I’m quickly reminded how close to my thirties I really am. This twenty-seven-year-old body doesn’t bounce back as quickly as it used to.

It’s been two weeks since I’ve been back home, and I’m barely hanging on by a thread.

The couch in the living room has become my new bed, because my old room is currently occupied by my niece. Ryleigh and Lyla moved in after they started construction on his house on our property. Willow, Ryleigh’s ex-wife, never liked the idea of living on the ranch. She claimed she was allergic to cattle and horses. My theory is she was just allergic to us. When she ran out on Ryleigh a few months after Lyla was born to live in LA, selling her house right out from under my brother, he had no choice but to move back in with my parents.

The construction still has a few months to go before it’s completed. Ryleigh tried to get me to take his room, but I know how much he needs a good night’s rest after the hard work he puts in every day. And I wasn’t about to steal my room back from my sweet three-year-old niece. I contemplated asking Harper if I could live with her for a bit, but the space she lives in above the bakery would never be able to fit the both of us. It’s barely even enough to fit her.

There’s also the tiny fact that I haven’t actually told my best friend I’m back yet.

Thus why it’s been the couch life for me, along with the stiff neck and back aches that seem to come with it.

I only lasted two days wallowing in self-pity in front of the TV with a gigantic tub of mocha-fudge ice cream before I couldn’t take it anymore. Since then, I’ve resumed my childhood chores, helped cook meals with Mom, and babysat my niece. I’ve never been one to sit idle for too long. Helping others brings me peace and distracts my mind from pulling me under.

Growing up, my chores always had me rising before the sun was even up. However, I always made sure to sneak away to this very spot and watch it paint the sky as it rose. I’ve always felt our land is always the most mesmerizing during sunset and sunrise.

With a heavy sigh, I climb up a few pegs on the fence and rest my arms on the wooden railing, watching the sun create a symphony of colors over the horizon.

Golden rays spread over every inch of the dewy grass, making it glitter like a green sea full of a thousand sparkling jewels. The sounds of our animals create a soft ambience to the calming sight, drastically different from the city that never sleeps. Being out here reminds me of how long it’s been since I’ve been able to just sit and enjoy the stillness.

“Coffee?”