Page 66 of Earthly Ties

“I missed you more.” Esther pulls Lucy down to her knees, wrapping her hand around Lucy’s swan neck to draw her into a kiss. They sigh together in overdue gratification at the first press of their lips. At the first taste of each other, they’re falling into the blanket like they did that first dream. The comfortable warmth of each other’s touch is a balm after a year of pain and isolation.

The cloud blanket surrounds them, seemingly happy they’re both there again, that Lucy is awake. It has been just as mopey as Esther over the past year, barely moving as if bearing Lucy’s body like an honor guard.

Eventually, Lucy pulls away, kisses peppering Esther’s cheeks and forehead. Her smile turns wistful, regretful. Esther’s heart sinks from the dread of what Lucy is about to say. Here, she may not be able to feel Lucy in her chest, but Lucy’s hesitation is written all over her face.

“I have to go back through my gate.” Lucy looks at the wrought iron and stone door with foreboding, tightening her arms around Esther.

The cloud blanket gathers them tight.

Esther leans into the comfort from both of them. Lucy said exactly what Esther knew she would. “But what happens if you do? What if you…you know, move on?” Esther chews her lower lip, brow furrowing and heart breaking; she just got Lucy back, and she already wants to leave? “What if I lose you again?”

“Then I move on. And you move on, Esther. And you find more people to bring you happiness.” Lucy rubs a thumb across Esther’s lip, pulling it from between her teeth with a soft smile. “But I spent the last year living as a specter in your life. That isn’t fair to either of us. I have to live—or maybe not live—my own life. And you have to live yours.”

“I don’t want to lose you. I’m scared.”

“Me too. I love you. So much.” Lucy’s gaze roams across Esther’s face, as if memorizing how it looks when Esther says she loves her in return. “But I have to do this for both of us. I don’t want us to lose each other, but I want you to be happy. I don’t know if we’ll ever be truly happy with me haunting you.” Lucy gives her a watery smile. “Who knows? Maybe I’ll wake up hungover on my couch, and the past year will have all been a dream?”

“If that happens, talk to me. Please,” Esther whispers. As much as it would hurt to lose her, Esther would survive, heal, grow stronger, carry Lucy with her forever. Like she has overcome every challenge in life before this. She’s lost her family and lived, overcome her friends forgetting about her. It would ache endlessly to wake up alone, to never hear Lucy’s voice again, never feel that comforting bloom of love in her chest. But if she ends up alone, Esther is determined to thrive, in honor of Lucy. “I won’t keep you here with me if you need to move on, but going back to life without you is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

Lucy nods and leans forward once again, resting her forehead against Esther’s. “I want to stay. Please don’t feel like I want to leave you, because I want more time with you—the rest of our lives together—but this isn’t a life.” Pulling her into a hug, Lucy presses a kiss to the tattoo behind Esther’s ear. “Haunting you has been Hell as much as Heaven. For both of us.”

With an understanding nod, Esther buries her face into Lucy’s neck, trailing her lips up along her jaw and into a desperate kiss that needs to last forever.

Lucy indulges her, kissing her back gently. “Thank you for everything, East.” Then she stands, pats the cloud blanket fondly, and steps through her gate.

One

To be frank, Lucy feels like shit.

Her tongue is sandpaper, her head a supernova. Her feet are numb from cold, while her torso and neck melt from the warm body that presses against her.

Lucy opens her eyes, flinching as she blinks. The sunlight streaming in from the window, through the pink curtains and the purple oxalis plant, stabs her already throbbing brain. Even the small flinch sends an unpleasant ache down her spine.

If she isn’t mistaken, Lucy’s hungover.

And oh, what a glorious pain it is.

“East.” Lucy gently shakes the sleeping furnace curled up behind her. The faint echo, the miraculous resonance of her voice brings tears to her eyes. The effortless grasp of a round hip makes them spill over. “Please tell me I’m not going fucking crazy, because I think I just…woke up.”

Lucy hasn’t slept in—well, since she died a year ago. How did she manage to awaken, unless she had slept?

Esther grumbles, tucking her head into Lucy’s neck and grips her tighter around the waist. “Luce, you’re so loud right now. It’s so early.”

Lucy squeezes her eyes shut, relief sending silent tears streaming down her cheeks. Esther is holding her. Without Lucy thinking about it. Without spending every ounce of concentration on mimicking gravity. Lucy is in Esther’s arms.

“Exactly. I’m loud, and I’m sweaty, and I’m cold, and my head hurts. Esther, I think I have a body again!” A desperate, breathy laugh escapes through her tears. Lucy rolls them over so Esther is on her back. Her legs straddle Esther’s waist. “Look! I’m naked!”

Esther’s eyes pop open. “What?”

Lucy laughs louder this time, thrilled with how her joy echoes around the room. Sitting back on Esther’s hips, Lucy runs her hands up and down her unexpectedly corporeal body. Purple glitter clings to her legs and sticks to her fingers. The sheets tangle around them, trapping her feet. “No more damn shroud or a stupid veil! I can touch my hair again!” Glitter hands and all, Lucy buries her fingers in the mass of black coils that frame her face. Exactly how she remembers her hair, same length, same texture, just a bit damp from sweat.

“You’re alive?” Esther’s blue eyes widen in disbelief as she takes in the miracle of Lucy atop her. Her jaw falls open, and a joyous cry tears from her throat when she wraps her hands over Lucy’s round hips.

“I’m alive!” Lucy grins and rubs the muscles in her aching neck. “Oh, it hurts so good! I have to pee so bad! I forgot about bladders! This is amazing!”

“Go pee!” Esther laughs, halfheartedly trying to nudge Lucy off the bed and toward the bathroom.

“I want to do this first!” Lucy’s eager lips find Esther’s. She presses her back into the pillows, tangling her fingers into Esther’s hair and tracing her ears with her thumbs.