Page 34 of Coveted By Cupid

I knew I was losing her, but I didn’t know how to fix it. I tried talking to her about my feelings, but Vanessa would start asking questions, and I’d clam up, unwilling to expose too much of what was eating away at me. She accused me of withholding things from her—she wasn’t wrong, but I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

She grew more suspicious of mine and Riley’s relationship, and I got meaner, playing on her insecurities and calling her delusional. I must’ve been convincing because Vanessa stopped questioning everything, stopped asking to spend time together, and stopped caring.

When I vented about work being stressful, Vanessa would simply say, “Sounds rough.”

When I would say my class load was killing me, she’d say, “I can relate.”

And when I would say, “Let’s hang out,” Vanessa would say, “Not tonight. I’m tired.”

Vanessa was checking out, unwilling to be a girlfriend when it was only suitable for me. Her shoulder wasn’t available to lean on when I wasn’t fully available for her.

Ironically, the person who got me into my current predicament was the only person I could talk to about what I was feeling. Riley understood the guilt of sacrificing someone else in order to avoid their fate. She was always available to talk, always lending a listening ear. I turned to her more when Vanessa started pulling away, needing someone, anyone, to make me feel better about the shitty things I’ve done and continue to do.

The day it all went to hell was the week of mid-terms. Vanessa had completely shut me out the entire week leading up to exams, not wanting to deal with my bullshit. I can’t say I blame her, but fuck, I needed her. She was the only light in my dark existence, and I was growing colder without her steady presence in my life.

Kirill had given me a wish list consisting of two marks. It was already difficult to find one woman who met the bulk of the criteria on a client’s preference list, and now he expected two. I had left that meeting and immediately vomited in the alley, worried this would be the one to end me up on the receiving end of Kirill’s bang train.

Riley kept trying to reassure me we’d find the perfect recruits before deadline, but I wanted nothing to do with it, to escape back to my happy place with my girl back at her tiny little apartment where I could pretend all was right with the world. I left for Vanessa’s place, and Riley followed, worried I’d do something reckless.

Hell, maybe I would have ended myself, seeing as the alternative was not something I was willing to live through. My head certainly wasn’t in a good place to be left alone.

When I arrived at Vanessa’s apartment, she wasn’t there, still finishing her exams. I jimmied the lock, letting myself into her place. Riley watched me like a hawk, as if I were prey ready to be consumed.

Possibly sensing I was at my weakest, Riley came on to me, and I didn’t push her away, needing to feel something other than impending dread. I took her hard on the couch, not considering the consequences.

The moment Vanessa walked into her apartment and caught us was the moment I hit rock bottom. I hurt her irrevocably, and I’ve been paying for my betrayal since.

And now, she’s making me hurt all the more, taking another man into her bed, not bothering to close her blinds, like she wants me to see what I lost. She’s flaunting her freedom and digging the knife deeper.

An uglier part of me, a part of me I never knew made up my persona, wants to see her suffer as much as I’m suffering right now without her. Let her experience a taste of hell that is my life.

A taste…

An idea forms in my head, vile and cruelly poignant. If I spin this right, I can still reclaim Vanessa in the aftermath. She’ll be more than willing to come back to me when she’s broken and I’m the only man remaining and willing to help restore her.

Digging out my cell, I call Riley.

She answers on the first ring with a purr. “Boden, I was just thinking of you.”

“Not going to happen, Riley. I need to get a hold of Kirill,” I say, looking at Vanessa in her window. “I have another recruit.”

“Already?” Riley asks, her interest piqued. “You’re getting good at finding the perfect targets for our clients.”

“It’s not someone on our clients’ list of requests, but she’ll be good for the trade momentarily. She certainly needs to be humbled. I’ll take her back after she’s no longer useful to Kirill—I’ve got plans for her.”

Riley pauses, absorbing my words. “Boden, you don’t mean Va⁠—”

“Are you going to get in touch with him or not?” I snap, cutting her off.

“I’ll set up the meeting,” Riley says, falling into line.

She disconnects, leaving me alone in my fury to watch the only woman I’ve ever loved destroy me one thrust at a time.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CUPID

Within the hour, I arrive back at Whiskey Wheelers. Both sides of the street are filled with Harleys—one side is Royal Bastards, the other is Mercy Ravens, and the road between is the great divide.