Page 16 of How to Catch an Heiress

“We fell in the river,” Stirling shot back. He stomped up the steps and threw back the door, then strode inside the church foyer with Chastity slung over his shoulder.

“Put me down!” she shouted.

He ignored her.

“Don’t you dare go into the chapel with me over your shoulder and us dripping wet,” she warned.

Stirling marched through the open doors and up the aisle.

Many of the guests surged to their feet. Uproarious laughter filled the small chapel.

“Ohhh,” Chastity growled, and Stirling was sure she was trying to bite his back.

“Sir,” a man called, and the vicar hurried past Stirling, then turned to face him. Stirling didn’t stop, which forced the man to walk backwards. “Oh dear,” the man said. “Perhaps you should put your fiancée down.”

Stirling caught sight of Chastity’s sisters standing near their seats in the front pew. All three sisters’ eyes were wide and their husbands had their arms about their waists.

Stirling reached the podium and said, “Get on with it, Minister.”

The man’s eyes widened and more laughter went up amongst the guests. “You must set her down,” he said.

“There is no law that says the bride must be standing,” Stirling said.

“I will not marry you this way,” Chastity shot back.

Her father arrived at Stirling’s side. “Ye returned home last night at four in the morning with Sir Stirling in a rented coach,” he said. “The minister’s vows are a mere formality.”

She gasped. “You told him!”

More laughter from the guests.

“I did not,” Stirling said. “But you just did. Minister, say the vows or we will go straight to the wedding bed now.”

“You mustn’t do that, sir,” he said.

“Then do your dirty work now,” Stirling ordered.

“I will not consent.” Chastity began to thrash.

Stirling clamped one arm over her legs and gave her bottom a swat.

She cried out—and he was sure he heard her sisters gasp amongst the uproar that followed.

“Get on with it, Minister.”

The vicar stuttered through the vows so badly that Stirling wondered if they held any validity at all. Chastity tried to twist free, but Stirling gave her another swat, this one a bit harder. She howled in what he was sure was more rage than pain, and threatened to call the legions from hell to punish him. When the vicar asked if Stirling took her to wife, he said, “God have mercy upon my soul, aye. I take her.”

“You will need mercy,” she muttered darkly.

When the minister asked her to repeat the vows, she went quiet. Stirling said in a low voice, “Either repeat your vows, Chastity, or I will put you into the first carriage we find outside and consummate our marriage with everyone listening to your cries of pleasure.”

She gasped. “You fiend.”

“A fiend who knows how to please you, madam. Repeat the vows or we begin with a kiss right here at the altar that will be more indecent than you can imagine. Do you take me for your husband?” he demanded.

“For better or worse,” she said. “Guess which one you will get?”

“I am aware of my fate.” He looked at the minister. “Are we finished?”