Page 113 of Tides of Shadows

It was Aidenar who broke away at last, tearing himself from me with visible effort. He was in control. He saw I wanted more, but he didn’t give it to me. His eyes were dark with desire, his breath quick.

“Enough,” he said hoarsely, as if he spoke more to himself than to me.

Chapter

34

Another day in Minerva’s chambers. I had never grown fond of these sessions. Each one was like tearing open a wound that had barely begun to heal. But I preferred that to meeting Malric in my dreams again.

I still felt Aidenar’s kisses on my lips, his hands on my skin. I couldn’t gather my thoughts.

Minerva’s chamber was the same as always. Two chairs facing one another, and the soft murmur of water sliding down the rock wall, a sound that soothed my thoughts as much as it could. We took our seats. Minerva inclined her head, and I closed my eyes.

I stood in the clearing at the heart of the storm, the wind howling like a maddened beast. Trees were breaking, I could not hear my own scream. Aidenar was about to lose control. His silver eyes trembled with light. I touched him.

I opened my eyes. One more.

I woke up in a bed, bandages tight around my ribs. Pain burned through my whole body. Aidenar sat in the chair at my side, holding my hand. His silver eyes were full of worry. His thumb stroked my fingers with aching gentleness. I saw sorrow on his face.

I opened my eyes. One more.

The gardens at the last ball. Moonlight poured over us. Aidenar drew me to him with all his strength. Our first kiss, his mouth warm, ravenous. My whole body shaking at his nearness. My fingers twined in his hair and for a heartbeat the world ceased to exist.

I opened my eyes. One more.

Aidenar lay across my lap, blood soaking his clothes, his breath growing shallow. I felt life slipping from him. I felt him slipping from me. I cried out for help with all my strength while tears ran down my cheeks.

I opened my eyes. One more.

I stood on the balcony of Aidenar’s chambers. His kisses were like fire, each one drawing me deeper. We staggered toward the bed, his hands firm at my waist. Desire flooded every part of me. I reminded myself that these were visions. I did not wish to show more. I did not want anyone to see us. Panic rose. My breaths came faster. I did not know what to do. I flooded the chamber with water. In a heartbeat everything sank. Silence.

I opened my eyes.

“You must react faster,” Minerva said calmly, brushing some invisible speck from her gown. “Every memory must be guarded. Not only the hard ones.”

My face burned. My cheeks were aflame with shame. I lowered my gaze to the floor, unable to look at her. I didn’t want her to have seen that. She saw everything, every intimate heartbeat, every raw emotion. My fingers clenched on my knees.

Minerva watched me for a moment in silence, then smiled warmly.

“Oh, child. You have nothing to be ashamed of. These are beautiful memories. Never be ashamed of love.”

“But I... we...” I began, shaking my head, not even knowing what I meant to say. The words stuck in my throat.

Minerva burst out laughing, and the diamonds at her throat flashed.

“My dear. I have lived long enough. And if what I have seen here is not love, then you may as well bury me in the ground at once. For there is no hope for this world.” Then she added, with a touch of sharpness, pointing at me with one finger, “And if you’re still trying to deceive yourself? Then maybe you’re not as smart as I thought you were.”

I had no answer. My heart hammered in my chest.

Minerva leaned back in her chair.

“Enough for today. I won’t cleanse you anymore. I’m giving you a break. Dinner’s the same time as always. You can go.”

I rose and left the chamber. The halls of Durminas seemed longer than ever, as if the fortress knew my unrest. My mind held only him, Aidenar. His laughter, his gaze, the warmth of him that I still felt upon my skin. Once I hated him. Now I couldn’t imagine his absence. I could not think of anything else.

Instead of going to my own rooms, my feet betrayed me. I stopped before the door of his chambers. The guards knew me. One nodded and stepped inside to announce my presence. After a moment, the door opened. I stepped in slowly.

Aidenar sat at his desk, bent over the ledgers. He looked different than he did in the halls, grave and intent. Light from the window shone upon his fair hair. When he saw me, his features gentled.