Page 60 of Tides of Shadows

“She takes after our grandmother. That one is a terror, even my mother fears her.”

“Time to get back to training. Ready?” I asked, watching him with a touch of concern. The shadow was still lingering on his face.

He inclined his head, and his gaze gentled. “Yes. Let’s go.”

Despite the tense atmosphere in the capital, the city prepared for the summer solstice, the great festival. At last, something that sparked happiness and brought joy rather than dread. Ribbons and lanterns brightened the streets, strung on cords from roof to roof. Innkeepers rolled casks of ale and barrels of wine to their doors, ready to receive guests till dawn. Children darted through the crowd clutching straw torches, and hawkers laid out spices, fruits, and silvered cuts of fish upon their stalls.

This time the rich did not have their ball alone. The whole city was celebrating. The Ten Families gave gifts to the folk: sacks of grain, baskets of fruit, fresh meat. The Regent guards handed out palladium coins, as if to swear the court had not forgotten the common men and women. It was meant to be a feast of shared bounty.

We all needed a breath. The brothers, Mirabel, and the younger servants had been plotting since morning to slip into the streets. The moment I heard their excited whispering, I knew I would go with them.

“My Lady, this is not wise,” said Roderick when he found out my plan. His brows drew together until they seemed a single, heavy line. “A young Lady should not wander the city on such a night. It tempts thieves and worse.”

“You might add rapists,” I returned, thinking of Magnus and his groping hands. “As we know, such men dwell in palaces as well. Let it be, Roderick. I will not wear our emblems. Your sons will be with me, though I suspect I shall be the one to keep them from trouble.” I smiled wide, and he gave a weary, resigned sigh.

I went to my chamber and changed quickly. I had no intention of a gown. I was not seeking a suitor for a single night. I wished for a mug of the city’s ale, a dance or ten, and a little forgetting.

I set a skimpy leather vest upon my bare skin, pulled on close-fitting trousers and high boots. The short vest showed the lines of my arms and belly, and the neckline dipped lower than was my custom. I did not mind it. In truth, I felt free. I bound my hair into a high tail and drew a dark coat over all, so that I might not draw eyes at once.

In Thalrock I had often slipped from the keep to have some fun with others, drinking ale and hurling knives at targets. There had always been an unseen guard nearby, and besides folk knew me there, so none would have let me come to harm. I missed that carefree time.

I went out with Mirabel, who looked innocent in a blue gown. Her eyes shone with delight, and she chatted in my ear of everything and nothing. I only nodded and let her happiness catch hold of me.

Kael and Brenn waited by the back entrance, dressed less formally. We passed through the gate toward the town. The brothers passed a bottle of rum between them. When my turn came, I took a deep gulp. I wanted to escape from everything.

“Nerissa.”

I heard the voice behind me. I knew who it belonged to.

“What do you want?” I said without turning.

It was Dricus. I did not slow my pace. There was no hiding it within me. His rejection stung more than it should have. I had no desire to look at him or remain in his presence. Foolish girl.

“Can we talk?” he said, stepping into my path.

“There is nothing to discuss.” I moved to pass him, but he blocked my way again.

“Please.” His voice held an edge of firmness, and when I met his green eyes, my body remembered that kiss in vivid detail.

“Very well.” I nodded to my companions to wait and give us space.

I stood with my arms crossed.

“Nerissa. That kiss...” Gods, could he not mention it? “You and I. This could never be. I cannot give you what you want.”

“What I want? How can you know what I want?”

“I am not the man for you. There are too many broken things in me to make this work.”

I scoffed.

“You don’t need to explain yourself. I misunderstood you.” I saw something strange in his eyes. Pain, regret? But I was the one who should suffer, not him. “I will not intrude on you anymore. Don’t worry.” I moved to step past him.

He caught my arm gently. “I don’t want you to stop speaking to me.”

“So you want me close to you or not? There is nothing in between.”

He had no answer. We stood there, staring at one another. Two lost souls.