Page 86 of Falling For You

I signed it and handed it back.

"Jeremy?"

"Yes?"

I looked at him. I'd heard those words from Zeus just a few minutes ago and I could still feel what they did to me. The weight lifting and settling at the same time. The grief and the pride braided together so tightly I couldn't separate them.

Jeremy lost his father too. He came to this precinct because his father served here. He carried that weight every shift, same as me. He needed to hear it.

I put my hand on his shoulder. "Your dad would have been very proud of you."

Jeremy looked at me. His face went still. Then he smiled.

"Thanks, Andy."

He walked back to his desk. I watched him go.

I still kept my place.

After Gus died, I stopped going straight to Wyatt's after shift. For a while I'd been skipping the rituals, leaving my house dark, walking across the street, falling into Wyatt and Birdie's evening like I hadn't spent the day seeing what people do to each other. But after the bar, after holding Terrence on that floor, I couldn't do that anymore. I needed to wash the day off before I walked through their door. I needed to set the watch down, light the candles, and stand under the water until the job loosened its grip. Then I could cross the street, hug Birdie, sit at the table, and be present in a way that was fair to both of them.

We were moving into my father's house after Christmas. The tenants had found a place out of state, so the house would be empty by the end of the year. Until then, I kept the duplex for the rituals and the nights that were just mine and Wyatt's.

I set my bag by the door, slipped off my boots, and walked to the bookshelf.

I unstrapped my father's watch and unclasped my mother's necklace. Set them in the trinket dish in front of the photo. Straightened the camellia pendant so the flower faced out.

"I'm home."

I stepped into the shower and let the hot water run over my shoulders, my neck, the tight spot between my shoulder blades. Then I ran the bath, lit the three vanilla candles on the ledge, and sank in. The day came off in layers. I dried off, changed into sweats, and walked across the street.

I let myself into Wyatt's house. Through the door, I could hear Birdie's giggles.

"Mommy Andy! Look!"

She came running down the hall in a police uniform. A plastic badge was pinned to her chest. The hat was too big and sitting at an angle on her head. She stopped in front of me and struck a pose with both hands on her hips.

"I'm you!"

My heart cracked open.

"Birdie. You look amazing."

"Barb got it for me!" She spun around. "It even has a belt!"

Barb was in the kitchen doorway, leaning against the frame, smiling.

"She picked it out herself," Barb said. "I just drove."

Birdie grabbed my hand and pulled me to the couch. "Can you do my hair? Like yours? The braidy one?"

"Of course."

I sat down and she dropped between my knees. I pulled the elastic from her ponytail and combed through her hair with my fingers. Over, under, pull. Over, under, pull.

Barb sat in the armchair and watched us.

"Is it done?" Birdie was bouncing before I tied the elastic.