Page 44 of Firefly Embers

Originally, they hadn’t had an opening and were going to email me some other resources for places to look into, but they called back a couple of hours later and said if I could get there by week’s end, they’d hold a slot open for me. Hence why my week had already been so busy.

Pops was the first person I had let in on my plan of going to the treatment facility. He had clapped me on the shoulder and said, “I’m proud of you, son,” with a softness to his words I hadn’t heard before. That was as sentimental as I’d seen the man get in the years since Ma’s passing.

The second call I made was to Sterling Morgen, the buddy we had run into down at Jack’s the night Ray and I had stopped fighting our feelings.

Sterling was still circling the rodeo circuit but was slowing down to take on some more stable responsibilities at his own family’s ranch. He actually lived on the outskirts of Ember Ridge and was more than happy to help out after I’d explained the situation.

He’d grown up learning to rope and ride; his dad had been a big rodeo star back in his day. He knew what my training seminars entailed, how important they were to me, and how I ran them. After all, his dad had been the one to train me when I first expressed interest in roping.

Sterling was going to come and stay in one of the smaller empty bunkhouses and run my training sessions in my absence.

Pops said he would make all the calls to let the trainees know they would be having a substitute for a little bit, and if they wanted to reschedule their sessions until my return, he would take care of it.

The fact that everyone had pitched in to help filled me with warmth, but a niggling tendril of dread kept tugging at the back of my mind. I hated putting them in a position of needing to step up. Everyone had their own lives to attend to. They didn’t need to be taking over mine, but I knew if I didn’t do this, I’d lose everything—more than I already had.

“I’m proud of you,” Ray whispered, bringing our still intertwined hands to her lips and pressing a soft kiss to my knuckles.

“I’m just trying to be the best man for you, and I can’t do that when I’m so broken.” The pain behind my words was evident, and Ray twisted around so that she straddled my thighs.

She took my face in her hands, and I could see my reflection in her hazel eyes. I looked worn down. If this was the man she saw daily, I don’t know why she stuck around at all.

“Do this for you, not for me. Get better for you because you deserve the best version of yourself. I’ll love you in any version, but will you love yourself if you don’t do this?”

I turned my head, pressing a kiss to her palm as I rested my head in her hands. Her touch was soft, but strong as she poured the strength and faith she held for the both of us into my body.

“I don’t deserve you,” I remarked softly.

“You do. I promise you, Wade Daniels, we deserve each other.”

WADE

After one hell of a week, Friday rolled around like a storm cloud hovering over the ranch, threatening to break at any moment. Gnawing anxiety ate at my chest as I thought of all the people who were going to be stepping up in my absence.

No matter how many times my family had reassured me they could handle things for the time I’d be gone and how proud they were that I was prioritizing my mental health, I felt terrible for leaving them behind.

Telling Max and Stella I was heading to an inpatient treatment facility to get help with the aftermath of the incident had been overwhelmingly emotional.

Stella had burst out in tears, hugging me tightly ‌as she sobbed. I’m sure pregnancy hormones were playing a part, but the raw emotion behind her tears gutted me.

I had been terrible to her over the last six months as I fought tooth and nail to place the blame on someone other than myself. I knew in my heart that she hadn’t deserved it, and once I got my head on straight, I’d make it up to her.

Max had given me a tight, back-slapping, brotherly hug, but I didn’t miss the streams of tears that tracked down his cheeks as he whispered how proud of me he was. Not a single person in the room stood a chance against the tears as they fell.

Thankfully, Charlie had already been asleep when I’d come over because after seeing her mom and dad cry, I didn’t think I could handle explaining my leaving to her in a way she would understand. I would leave that torture up to Max and Stella.

There was only one person left I needed to talk to before I could leave. I had already loaded my bags into my truck under the cover of darkness. I wanted this to be as painless as possible, so leaving in the middle of the night seemed like the best option.

Ray and I had said our goodbyes earlier in the day in a way that made sense for both of us, with our bodies and endless “I love you’s.”

There had been no rushing, no tears, just slow and meaningful sex that expressed all the words we couldn’t voice out loud.

We had poured our love into each caress and touch, promising each other in the silence that we would make it through this and come out stronger on the other side.

Shutting the door to the big house, I stood on the front porch, marveling at the view of the ranch at night.

It was still muggy, the air sticking to my skin like glue, but it had cooled down significantly as the sun retreated. Stars dotted the horizon, blinking in time with the crickets’ chirps, as if they were dancing to their nighttime song.

I leaned against one of the whitewashed posts of the porch, breathing in deeply, the warm air acting as a calming balm for my rising anxiety. I could do this—I needed to do this.