Page 38 of The Temptation of Roan Island

“I’m serious, Pippa. You’re my friend, and I don’t want to give you false hope.” His forehead wrinkles, gaze intense. “I don’t love you.” He clears his throat as if it pains him to say it. “I can’t. You have to understand that.”

I narrow my eyes, trying to see the why behind what he’s saying. It doesn’t really matter, though, because love is a hope I refuse to carry. “I understand. This is nothing more than one friend helping another. You don’t need to worry.” I smooth my skirts. “Anything else?”

He glances around the room. “We need to act like a courting couple.”

“Alright, so we spend time together, resume our afternoon games in the library, sit by each other at dinner, that sort of thing. That’s fine.”

“It’s more than that. If I’m in love, I would… do more.”

I swallow, studying my clammy hands. “What does that mean… ‘do more’?”

He looks away. “I think you know what I mean, Pippa.”

A shiver races down my spine. “I’m not going to kiss you.”

“If I were in love with you,” his gaze captures mine, “I would kiss you.” His attention drops to my mouth, and I lick my lips. “No one will believe I’m in love with you if I don’t kiss you.”

“They won’t need to know. Kissing happens in private.”

Shemaiah’s head tilts. “Does it?”

I squirm, crossing my legs. “Of course it does.”

He makes a humming noise as if both considering and objecting to the premise. “Fine. But we might have to pretend to get caught kissing.”

“That’s… acceptable.”

“We have one more complication.” His tongue peeks out from between his lips, rubbing over his incisors.

“What’s that?”

“The new moon parties.”

My heart slams hard against my ribs.

Shemaiah’s eyes drop to my chest as if he heard.

The idea of Shemaiah feeding from me should be terrifying, but it isn’t. Imagining it makes my pulse quicken, core clenching. I recall the night of the last new moon party, the way he looked at me, how much I wanted him. Even now, his eyes take on a dark shine. This is dangerous territory. A path we shouldn’t go down. I won’t confuse attraction for love—not again. Whatever this new energy is between us, it isn’t safe. It shouldn’t be indulged. “I’m ill. That’s excuse enough for you to… um…”

“Feed from another?”

I nod, unable to find my voice.

“And if Anna wants to be the one I feed from? She’s cornered me the last two times.”

I lift my chin. “She won’t now that she knows we’re together. Anna may be a horrible flirt, but she’s not the kind of woman to throw herself at a man who’s already spoken for.” At least, I hope not. For Shemaiah’s sake.

His mouth opens as if to say something, then closes as he nods. He holds out his hand to shake on our agreement.

“Wait.” I bite my lip and press my palm to my heart. “I need you to promise me something. In exchange for doing this.”

He lowers his hand, waiting for me to go on.

“Promise me you’ll find Tobias even if—” My voice cracks. “Even if I’m gone. Promise you’ll make sure he’s alright, in a good home, and has opportunities for a good education.” I gain strength with each word. This is what I need in order to be at peace with what’s coming. This is all I want.

Shemaiah takes my hand in his, pulling it to his heart like he’s making a solemn vow. “We’re friends, and I would do as much even if you hadn’t asked.”

A heavy weight lifts from my chest. I smile. He smiles back. For the first time in years, I feel ready for what’s ahead. Pretending to be Shemaiah’s love won’t be a bad way to spend my last days, especially since it means Tobias will be cared for after I’m gone.