Page 28 of Anthem of Love and Loathing

A multitude of grief squeezes around my heart; a steel band that crushes until it’s almost impossible to breathe.

I want to disappear. Never think or feel again. Loss encompasses me. Losing Neil was incredibly hard but losing her... it makes the feeling of loss seem to never stop hurting. My poor, perfect angel.

“They replaced him,” Bronx says bitterly. He makes eye contact with Kodiak over my shoulder. “Sorry, bro. No offense meant. You are one of us now.”

“Some offense taken.” Kodiak’s tone is jovial in comparison to the heaviness Bronx and I are sharing. “The band wouldn’t be the same. Can you imagine? L.A. Riot without Riot? Think they’d make us change our name?”

Bronx and I both roll our eyes at him.

“We’re all replaceable,” Bronx tells me. “Golden, Kodiak, Riot, and me. Even our songs can be written by someone who isn’t L.A. Riot. We have worked too hard to get here to let the label take our future from us.”

“He has a point,” Kodiak says like he’s refereeing a boxing match. “L.A. Riot wouldn’t be L.A. Riot without Riot.”

“When I saw you last night... I took it as a sign.” Sincerity shines in Bronx’s gaze. “And I was right. He wrote a song that our fans are going to love.”

“It probably had nothing to do with me. It could have been a one-off. He could be finally ready to write again.”

“It was about you,” Bronx says.

Fuck. I’d hoped Kodiak would be wrong even though I knew he wouldn’t be. Not because I’m some kind of manic pixie dream girl of a muse. No. Because the universe, for some reason, has decided that I need to be punished. For what? Falling in love with my best friend? A rockstar? Believing in happiness? No. Not protecting her.

The universe is right. I have penance to pay. But so does Riot. “A song about how much he hates me, right?”

“I won’t lie to you.” Bronx nods. “It’s vicious.”

The hair on the back of my arms and neck stand up like an electric current has passed over them. Staying means opening myself up to an entire album worth of vitriol aimed at me, that will play across the world. Possibly until the end of time.

Leaving means putting myself in harm’s way. Possibly cutting my time on this planet way short if Marco catches up to me. Which he will. Eventually.

Both options are unappealing. Taking a deep breath, I scowl at my now least favorite drummer boy. “You’re going to make this worth my suffering, Bronx.”

“Whatever you want.” He swoops on me. “I’ll even hand over my lucky drumsticks if that’s what it takes.”

“I don’t want your sticks, Drummer Boy.” I splay my palm across his chest to keep him at bay. “I’ll come up with something. But not tonight. I’m tired and I want to sleep.”

“We can kill three birds with one stone.” He gestures at his comfy but unmade bed. “You can sleep in my bed, and I can start to make it up to you with another orgasm or two. It’ll piss Riot right off.”

I snort. “I’m not going to sleep next to you. I’m still angry, Bronx.” But I am going to need a bed. With the party in full swing there’s no way I’m sleeping on the couch. “Kodiak?”

“Scary Girl?”

I glance at him over my shoulder. “Do you snore?”

“Don’t think so.”

“Do you mind if I take half your bed?”

Exuding confidence he winks at Bronx, who scowls in response. His big hand covers my shoulder. “It’d be my pleasure.”

We leave Bronx and skirt the party, passing by Riot’s room. The door is partially open, giving a view of the entwined bodies on the bed. The air reeks with sex.

The girl is on her back, Riot above her. His chiseled muscles flex every time he fucks into her. Almost as if he senses me, he lifts his head. His gaze locks on me. His gray eyes, dark and flinty.

My breath catches.

He fucks the woman harder, putting his head close to hers so he can make a demand. Sweat glistens on his tanned skin. She digs her nails into his shoulders to hold on as her breathing turns into dirty cries.

My disloyal pussy clenches. Dampens my panties. How fucking dare my body react to the cheating bastard after all this time.