Page 56 of Anthem of Love and Loathing

“Portland tomorrow.” Golden hovers in the front lounge long after everyone else has gone to bed.

“Yeah.” I flip through my notebook of song lyrics. The pages tattered and crinkled with use.

It’s your turn to bleed for me

Your turn to shatter

I hadn’t known what came next when she came to my room the other night. Hating her should make everything cut and dry, but it doesn’t.

Golden takes a seat on the bench closest. He spreads his knees and clasps his hands together between them. Whatever he’s chewing on has concentrated into a wrinkle between his brows.

I put down my pen, annoyed. “Spit it out.”

“Did you have fun this morning? Making things awkward for all of us?”

I study my scraped and bruised knuckles. Rub my good hand over my aching one. My hand had been shaking so hard when I walked out on her. I’d punched the wall to make it stop. How dare she make me feel... anything.

Hate I can deal with, but the way I wanted her...

I fake cockiness. “What? You didn’t enjoy the concert? You want to fuck her as much as Bronx and Kodiak do?”

“Yeah, maybe I do.” His brow lowers even more, but he continues to appear unfazed.

Is that why he hasn’t brought anyone on the bus? Usually, he can be counted on to get the orgy started. I should have realized Kelsey is the reason he’s been behaving differently.

“As much as you do,” he adds.

What if I want to fuck her? What if I got a little lost in her scent and the noises she made with both our hands making her come? “Bullshit.”

“Is it?” He keeps staring at me like he sees through me. It’s possible he does after ten years together.

“Fine.” I pluck a few more sounds from the strings. “I want to fuck her. What man wouldn’t? She’s a good lay. But that doesn’t negate how much I hate her.”

“Does it have to?” he asks, drawing an invisible swirl on the windowsill over the bench seat while he continues to watch me. “We’re stuck on a bus and in hotels together for the next couple of months. You could fuck her and be done with it.”

“It’s not going to be that long.” Only as long as it takes me to write the new album. “She’ll be gone as soon as she’s no longer inspirational.”

I roll my eyes at inspirational. Sarcasm dripping off every syllable.

“The point is. You two are making this bus a powder keg. It’s been what... less than a week?”

It has been an odd few days.

“And today was... uncomfortable.”

Kelsey and I hadn’t exchanged a single word after she came out of the bathroom. We’d gone and gotten food in edgy silence and then she’d come back to the bus while I spent a good few hours working out in our mobile gym with Bronx. He’d been a grouchy motherfucker all day too.

Kodiak and Golden had both given me a wide berth. It would be great if Golden was still doing so. And Kelsey had retired to her bunk as soon as I stepped back on the bus. She’d even eaten the dinner Golden had taken her there.

“You know Bronx and I... we understand your boundaries. We’ll oblige them for now. But if you keep taunting us with what we can’t have, who’s to say we won’t get sick of you thinking your word is law. We’ve all wanted that woman at some point. Push us too hard and we might all crumble to the temptation.”

“You won’t fucking touch her.”

“She’s not yours anymore,” he says. “We all know it. Bronx, Kodiak, and me. But do you? Because you’re acting like a possessive boyfriend.”

The fuck I am. “This is about the band.”

“Is it?” He stares me down.