Page 59 of Anthem of Love and Loathing

Kelsey

The arena in Portland is packed for the show. The guys are on top of the world and the charts. Everywhere we go they’re recognized. It’s what Riot always dreamed about.

What we dreamed about.

My chest swells as I watch them perform their last song from the side of the stage. It’s not quite the way we used to talk about it. Back then we believed we’d be friends forever instead of two strangers that wish we’d never laid eyes on the other.

I press my hand to the ache in my abdomen as the lines between hate and nostalgia mingle. We could have had everything...

He destroyed us like he was making a deal with the devil for the very thing that makes me elated about tonight. All the hard work and dedication that Bronx, Golden, Neil, and Riot put in is paying off big time.

If only Neil was here to see it.

The song ends and the guys bid the crowd goodnight before they head off stage toward me. They’re dripping sweat, with grins that split their faces and a sparkle in their eyes. Energy hums through them, they’re so amped up.

A smiling and energized Bronx picks me up and spins me around while the crowd chants repeatedly for L.A. Riot.

“You guys were amazing,” I tell him, tell them all as they swoop in for hugs that are both stinky and sticky. Except for Riot. He maintains his distance, and I don’t need to tell him what he already knows. He killed it tonight. And every night since the tour started. He’s doing exactly what he wanted. What he was born to do. The only thing that matters to him.

They grab bottles of water from a cooler and wear as much of the chilled liquid as they get in their mouths.

“Break You.” Riot says, locking gazes with me.

The guys agree. They’ve been working on it as a group and as much as it is meant to hurt me, it does sound amazing. Not that I will ever admit it.

They jog back onto the stage. Back to their instruments. Riot grabs the mic. “We’re going to sing you something new.”

The crowd loves it from the very first note. They’re obsessed.

Jasper approaches. “Ready to go back?”

“Yeah.” I turn my back on the stage and follow him through the maze to the band’s private area. They’ll have a meet and greet with backstage pass holders. Then there’s an after party the opening act is throwing before we’re back in that claustrophobic tin can and back on the road.

Tomorrow night at least we’re in a hotel. And they have a full day of promos the next day, which means Riot and I won’t be crammed on top of each other.

He’s been such an ass this whole time. A hot, filthy, demanding ass. My thighs tingle at the memory of him demanding I scream so the others could hear me before he would let me come.

Fucking fuckface bastard.

Jasper gets me situated in the green room and takes position near the door. If I leave, he’ll follow, but unlike Riot he likes me. He’ll do it at a discreet distance and tell Riot I bolted.

But I don’t want to get him into more trouble, so I peruse the snacks instead, settling on Starbursts, Reese's and a whole bowl of strawberries. Then I lift a bottle of Cristal, uncork it with a mighty big ‘pop’, curl up on the couch with my picnic spread, and check the notifications I have set up if my name gets mentioned online.

There are a few fan posts mentioning that I might have dared to show my face at the San Francisco show. Or in relation to L.A. Riot’s awesome new songs. But the only photo of me is blurry, I can’t even be sure that it’s me.

Still, it’s enough to put me at ease. I open up my Kindle app and scroll through the new books for something to read.

Half a bottle of champagne—and half a romantic comedy about a guy with a Spice Girls fixation trying to impregnate his best friend while attempting to make her fall for him—later, the guys explode into the room. They head straight for the booze and the snacks, swigging spirits straight from the bottle and ravaging the food, interrupting mouthfuls with boisterous laughter, ridiculous commentary and crude jokes.

Kodiak drops down on the couch next to me. He reaches out and wraps one of his huge hands around my ankle. “Scary Girl, how are you doing?”

“Fine and frisky.” The bubbles have gone to my head.

His mouth turns up in one corner. “I like that.”

“I bet you do.” I could spend a lot of time hanging out with Kodiak. He’s easy to be around.

He turns thoughtful while his thumb massages small circles on my ankle.