Page 99 of Anthem of Love and Loathing

“No, I...” My throat thickens and the words don’t come. It doesn’t matter that I don’t remember how we got to that place where I destroyed us. Only that it happened. “I hate myself over it. I regret that I hurt you so fucking much. I can’t move on from you. When you’re not here, I don’t want to be either. Existing without you is torture.”

“You can’t say that to me.”

“The hell I can’t.” I devour her desperately, like a drowning man fighting his way back to the surface. Needing her like I need oxygen.

She kisses me back frantically, clinging to me. Pressing up against me like we’re two halves of a magnet that will keep colliding for eternity. I taste the salt of her emotion mixed with the sweetness of the alcohol she’s been drinking. “I need you, Candy Head. Come back to me.”

Something shifts. She stops kissing me. She puts space between us before I even let her go.

“Don’t call me that. I’m not her anymore.” There’s so much sadness in her when she shakes her head. “I told you... I can’t.”

I keep hold of her. It doesn’t matter how much we hate each other, or how angry we are. Or that I’m still not over her after all this time. It only matters that she belongs to me. I can’t let her go. “Kels—”

She rips herself away from me. “Don’t ask me to trust you. Or forgive you. I won’t. You might as well go ahead and date Sonatina.”

“I’m not.”

“Fine, fake dating, or whatever you’re doing.” She wraps her arms around her torso and puts the whole room between us.

“I’m not with Sonatina.” I scrape a hand through my hair. She’s infuriating. “And if I didn’t have to fix your fucking mess I wouldn’t be in this fake relationship either. Hell, Carmine would never have forced her on us as our manager.”

“What?” She spreads her hand across the base of her throat. “She’s your...How could you?”

“You didn’t leave me any other choice.” I sit heavily on the desk. Why does she keep acting like she has no idea how badly she screwed us all?

“You could have hired anyone but her.”

“No, I couldn’t.” I hide my fists in the pits of my leather jacket. “After what you did, we’re lucky L.A. Riot didn’t get blacklisted and sued out of existence.”

“What I did?” Her eyes grow round, horrified. “Are you freaking kidding me?”

“Where’s the money you took, Kelsey?”

“What money?! I already told you. I didn’t take any money.”

“Why are you still lying to me? You wrote about it in your diary.” I read it with my own fucking eyes. “You were even considering confessing. Why didn’t you come to me if you needed money. I would have looked after you.”

“The way you did when Carmine blacklisted me?!”

“You stole from the label!” I shout. “From the band! There’s evidence. And all I am asking for is the truth.”

She gapes at me.

“My relationship with Sonatina is the only thing that’s kept your ass out of jail.”

She’s still staring at me like I’m speaking a different language.

“Was it to deal with Marco? Did he...” What exactly am I trying to ask? I thought she knew she could confide in me about anything. Obviously, I was wrong. “Did you have no choice but to take the money and run?”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” she says coolly. “And whatever you thought you read in my journal about it... you’re wrong. I didn’t steal anything.”

“You’re going to keep pretending like there isn’t evidence that could have you on a felony charge?”

“It doesn’t matter what I say, does it?” she asks, soft, quiet, followed by a pained chuckle. “You don’t want to be the only one who broke us. You’re not going to believe me.”

I wince. I caused her a lot of pain. But she can’t negate her part in it. How are we ever going to find our way through if she can’t take responsibility for the damage she did. “You literally confessed in your diary. I’ve seen the account statements. So no, I don’t believe you.”

“There’s no point in me trying to get you to believe me then, is there?” She throws her hands up. “If you had a fucking clue what I was actually writing about...”