Page 36 of The Addendum

“Did you talk about the letter?”

“I asked why she wanted it back. She said she’d been thinking and decided against further communication. That was all.”

“And you never thought to mention this to me?” I asked, irrational anger bleeding into my tone.

She frowned, sounding frustrated. “And what would you have done, Richard? Sought her out to talk to her? Listened to what I had to say even if I had figured it out? You barely tolerated me, and you blew off any opinion I ever expressed. And you never, ever contacted someone you walked away from. They were dead to you before you left them in the room behind you.”

“I suppose I’ll never know. You never gave me the choice,” I snapped.

She stood, disbelief and fury rolling off her. “Don’t you try to pin this on me. You treated her the way you treated everyone else. Every person who came into your life had an expiry date. It started ticking the second you said hello. She was one of a dozen women you left me to comfort once you were done with them. Do you think you can honestly tell me that if she’d informed you she was pregnant, you would have done anything? You cared about nothing and no one—you admit that yourself. Do you think a baby would have made a difference to you?”

“I don’t know!” I raged. “But you persuaded her not to give me a chance! And now I find out I had a daughter and she hates me because of it.” I glared at her. “I’m shocked that even though you regarded me so lowly that you got past that and married me.” I paused. “Oh, wait, it was for money, wasn’t it? Just like everyone else,” I spat.

Katy’s eyes filled with tears, and instantly, I regretted my harsh words. I reached out, but she stepped back.

Her voice shook as she spoke. “I didn’t know, and I didn’t persuade her. I was honest with her—the same way I was honest with every woman you dumped. I felt badly for them, even though they chose to see something in you that wasn’t there. I married you to help Penny. That was my reason. You practically forced me to do so. I put up with your mistreatment of me in order to make sure the person I loved was safe and comfortable.”

“I know. I didn’t mean it, Katy.” I ran a hand through my hair. “I’m upset and anxious.”

“I didn’t know she was pregnant, Richard. She never told me that, and I’d have no reason to think so. I was the one who kept your bathroom stocked with condoms, if you recall. I knew your lifestyle. She left, and I was too busy trying to cope with my own life to dwell on the conversation or your private life. I had to in order to survive you and your attitude. Work and help Penny. I felt badly for Juliet. But I had my own struggles, and she was just one of many you walked away from. If she had told me, I would have said something. I swear it.”

We stared at each other. Another thought hit my head, and I opened my mouth before I could think.

“You know me,” I said angrily. “You know the man I’ve become.” Remembering her question to Ashley the day before, I shook my head. “Or I thought you did. Yet your first question to her was about her age. Do you really think I would cheat on you, Katy? I fucking love you. My vows, my family—you—mean everything to me. I thought you trusted me. I have never given you any reason not to. Not one goddamn reason.”

“I know.”

“Yet, you asked the question. You doubted me.”

“It was a stupid impulse. When I heard her mother’s name, I already knew. I just—”

“You wanted confirmation, is that it?” I snapped.

“I—” She stopped talking and shook her head. “I was in shock. I wanted… I needed—”

I cut her off. “You needed validation of my integrity. After all these years, you actually questioned it.”

Tears were streaming down her face when she turned and walked away from me. I sat down heavily, wanting to follow her, but knowing I needed to give her some space. To give myself some space.

I raked my hands through my hair, yanking on the ends, the pain in my skull welcome.

I had been a bastard. I had treated Katy terribly. I had been shocked when she was able to get past all of that and marry me. To discover the man I was now and bring him out of the shadows and love him. She had taught me love.

I hung my head. I was still a bastard. I should never have said those things to her.

I rested my head in my hands, unsure what to do. I kept making things worse.

Maybe I needed to stay put and avoid people for the next while. I lifted my head, staring at the water. Maybe I should go into Toronto. Invent another meeting and give myself a chance to calm down and figure things out.

I turned my head toward the houses, my gaze seeking out just one. The place I shared with Katy. Our home. The truth was, I didn’t want to leave her and go anywhere, but she might prefer it. I had to ask her.

But the coward I was, I stayed on the beach and looked at the water, too afraid of her answer.

12

RICHARD

I walked the beach for over an hour, constantly pacing, trying to sort out my thoughts. Trying to remember more. I had blocked so much of my life from that time out of my head. I didn’t like the person I was then. I had been an empty shell of a man. That all changed when I fell in love with Katy.