Page 61 of The Addendum

I dropped my arms. “I’m tired, Luc. I’m tired of the questions with no answers. Of going round and round in my head, trying to decide who is lying. Why anyone lied. Why I feel so angry and hurt.” I sat down, suddenly exhausted.

“I’m terrified,” I admitted.

He hurried to me, crouching in front of me. “Of what?”

“Of wanting to get to know him. Them. Of being rejected.”

“What else?”

“Of regretting not trying. Always wondering what it would be like if…” I trailed off.

“If you became part of the family? If you could build a relationship with your father and siblings?”

“Yes.”

“You have to be brave enough to try, Ashley.”

“I don’t know if I am.”

“I disagree. I think you’re one of the strongest women I know.”

“I don’t feel like it right now.”

He smiled. “You’ve been through a lot of emotional upheaval the past while. You’re still reacting. There isn’t a time limit here. No one expects you to start calling Richard ‘Dad’ and showing up for family powwows this week, or even this month. You can take this at your own speed.” He paused a beat. “Or not. The decision is up to you, but I think you would regret it if you didn’t at least try.”

“He had Halton call me to check in on me this morning.”

“That sounds like him. He left me a voice mail, telling me if you needed anything to let him know.”

I ran a hand over my face. “It’s all so confusing.”

“I know. But maybe things aren’t exactly the way you thought them to be. You have to at least consider that option,” Luc suggested, his tone gentle.

He was right, but I was still wary.

“What if I dislike them? What if they resent me?”

He shrugged. “You already liked Heather. They’re all good people, but you have to give them the chance. You have to allow them to feel what they feel. You have to give yourself a chance to discover who they are and what they’ll be to you. Maybe all that happens is you meet some nice people and see them on occasion. Maybe you discover a whole new meaning to the word family.” He picked up my hand and kissed it. “Maybe you get to know your father and forge a relationship with him. Does that sound so bad?”

“No,” I admitted. “I just don’t know if I can trust him.”

“That will take time. I’m sure he feels much the same. He knows your distaste for him. Your anger. I’m sure he’s worried as well.”

“Do you think he’ll tell, ah, them? The, I mean, his kids?”

“I am certain of it. It won’t be an easy thing for him, but he will. I’m sure they’re all going to have to come to terms with it in their own way as well. You have to be prepared that they might not want to see you either, although knowing them the way I do, I doubt it. But it is always a possibility.” He shook his head. “You are all going to have to come to terms with this and figure out where you fit as a group and as individuals. It might be different for every person.”

I nodded. “All of that scares me.”

“I’m not surprised.” He ran his hands down my arms and squeezed my fingers. “But you won’t do it alone, love. I’m right here, and I’ll support you.”

“That puts you in an awkward position. I know how close you are to Reed and Heather.”

“My relationship with Reed will be fine. We’ve been through too much over the years for it to break. As for the rest, like you, I’ll figure it out.”

“I can’t ask you to choose. I know they’ve been your family—”

He cut me off. “I already told them I’d be on your side. I love you, Ashley. Totally. Completely. It doesn’t come with codicils or conditions. Whatever you’re going through, I’m with you.”