Page 11 of The Specialist

“You still help out with HJ when needed.”

“I am strictly behind the scenes. Computers, and yes, the occasional demolition. Again, I’m invisible. I have never been an active agent. Always behind the scenes.”

“I worried about Damien for years. He’s safe now, but you’re not—you’re still on the fringes. I can’t take another loss, Egan.” Her voice dropped. “Especially you.”

I tightened my hands, forcing her to meet my eyes. “Why? Tell me why.”

She covered my hands with hers. “I can’t. I can’t be with you. I can’t risk it.”

“You can. You can choose to be with me instead of alone. The men who loved you in the past would want that for you. They would want you happy. I want to make you happy.”

“You—”

“I will give it all up. Right now. No more freelance jobs. Nothing but the gym and working with Elite.”

“I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not. I am telling you I would do that for you. For us. That is my job, Sofia. You are my world.”

Her eyes widened at that statement. I kept talking.

“But I could be a plumber and still die suddenly. There are no guarantees in life, Sofia. As a doctor, you know this. I could have a weak heart. A blocked artery. Get hit by a bus crossing the street. You wouldn’t refuse to love me because of those odds. Why refuse to love me because of my past? What matters now is the future. Our future.”

For a moment, there was silence, the only sound between us her harsh breathing.

“I have the same fears,” I said quietly. “Losing you. Your job is not without its dangers as well.”

She frowned, obviously never having given that idea much thought.

“I cannot fathom not having you in my life, Sofia. Having to suffer your loss. But it is a risk I am willing to take.”

“I’m scared.”

“I know. But, Sofia, you have feelings for me already. If I were gone tomorrow, wouldn’t you mourn my loss?”

“Yes,” she admitted.

“Then face it with me. Admit to your feelings. You already know mine.”

“I’m so torn. My head says one thing, my heart another. Some days I just don’t know…” Her voice trailed off.

“Then know this. I love you. I love you less today than I will tomorrow. More than I did yesterday. Infinitely. I will love you for the rest of my life. And I want to share the rest of my life with you.”

She stared at me. “Love like that doesn’t exist.”

“It does. It is how I feel about you, and it will not change. It exists. I exist. Trust me, and I promise I won’t let you down.”

More tears flowed down her face. “Egan…” she breathed.

“Choose me, Sofia. Choose us. Let me love you.”

Her whole body shook.

“Say it, my Sofia. Say the words, and let’s move forward.” I leaned my forehead to hers. “Don’t keep living with regrets.”

A long shudder ran down her spine. “I have feelings for you,” she whispered.

I smiled at her words, knowing her feelings were greater than she could express. But for now, I would take them.