Page 77 of Maid for the Marquess

If any harm befell Alexander, I didn’t know how I would survive. Even thinking of the possibility of my father hurting him or—God forbid—worse, made my breath freeze in my lungs. It made my stomach churn and ache.

Tears threatened my vision, blurring the brilliance of the silvery stars. I closed my eyes tightly, willing them away. Weeping would solve nothing, and I had already sobbed enough to fill a lake this day.

But I couldn’t banish them. They slipped past my lashes, traveling in hot streaks across my cheeks. This was all my fault. I had brought the danger upon my husband. And if anything happened to him, I would own the blame. My father had come to Wheaton for me, and the only way he could have me was through hurting my husband.

A sob escaped me. I bit my lip, trying to hold in my sorrow. Alexander was a large, beloved presence at my back. But he had fallen into a steady slumber after he had slowly, painstakingly made love to me earlier, and I had no wish to wake him. He would need all the rest he could get to face my father in the duel on the morrow.

“Maddie mine.”

Alexander’s deep voice cut through the silence, laden with caring and concern.

Another sob emerged. He faced possible death in the morning, and it was he who was worried about me.

“Forgive me,” I said.

“For weeping?” He stroked his hand up my spine beneath the bedclothes, warm and reassuring. “Never, my sweet. You are in a delicate condition, and it heightens your emotions.”

I sniffed, eyes fluttering open, as I stared back into the night, wondering how it could be so glorious, so perfect, so calm, when my world was about to be torn apart. The sky that had been my comfort these past few months had become a traitor. I longed to claw each star from the black velvet night. I was furious, and I was terrified. How dare those stars shine so brightly upon my misery?

“Maddie?” Alexander prodded softly, his hand splayed between my shoulder blades.

“I’m not crying because I am with child,” I said quietly. “I’m crying because I am responsible for all this.”

“What?” Gently, he grasped my shoulder, rolling me toward him. “Why should you think you are to blame?”

I was on my back now, gazing up at the ceiling, trying not to dissolve into a new fit of tears. It wasn’t easy. They scalded the backs of my eyes, threatening to pour forth.

“Because I am the reason my father came to Wheaton,” I managed, barely keeping my composure. “You brought me here, you saved me, made me your wife, granted me every happiness, and look at what has happened in return. It is my fault that your life is now in danger.”

“Nonsense.”

“It is hardly nonsense. It’s the truth.” The tears won, escaping my eyes and slipping down my cheeks again. “What is the thanks that you receive for saving me, other than the possibility that you will meet an untimely end at the hands of my father?”

“Look at me, Maddie.”

I couldn’t. I was silently sobbing. I didn’t wish to distress him, but I couldn’t bear to have our precious, fragile happiness shattered. I couldn’t lose him.

“Maddie mine.”

I closed my eyes again, loving the way he said my name, the endearments for me that were his alone. What if this were to be the last night I would ever hear them? The last night I was blessed enough to lie with my husband in our bed?

I choked on my anguish, a wretched sound emerging from me that was scarcely even human.

“My love.” Alexander reached for me then, pulling me into his lean, solid strength. “None of what has happened is your fault. Not that bastard’s despicable treatment of you, not his appearance here at Wheaton, and not whatever shall happen in the morning. There is one person who will forever bear the burden upon his soul, and that is Lord Barnett himself. Not you. Never you.”

“What if he shoots you? What if he k-kills you?”

I could scarcely form the words.

“I won’t let him. Have faith in me.”

I buried my face in his neck, breathing deeply of his scent. “I do have faith in you, but I am also scared of losing you.”

“You won’t lose me. You’ll never lose me. No matter what happens on the morrow, Maddie mine, I am always here.” He flattened a hand over my chest. “In your heart.” He slid his hand lower, cupping the swell of my belly where our child grew. “And here, in the life you will soon bring into this world.”

“Our babe needs a father,” I said.

“And so our babe shall have me.” He kissed my crown. “You must never think that you are at fault. You are, and will forever be, the light of my days and the stars in my night sky. You are the best part of my life, Maddie mine, and I would meet your father at dawn every day until my last to keep you safe and to love you one day more.”