Page 55 of The Sweetness of Life

I’m also pissed because there’s no way I’ll ever be able to walk by that table in the cellar and not think of her.

As I swallow a mouthful of scotch, I welcome the burn as it slides down my throat. It’s almost distracting enough to calm the war inside my head. Almost.

“So, what’s happening between you and Shelby?” James asks as he deals the next round of cards.

All afternoon, the guys and I have been playing poker in the library, and I’ve caught both Kyle and James randomly staring at me. I know the topic of Shelby is the elephant in the room, but I can’t explain anything to them when I don’t know myself. I haven’t talked to her today, nor do I plan to. I have no idea what she did when she left me last night or what she’s been doing since. I am pretty sure I’m the last person she wants to hear from, and this adds another layer to my feeling like shit for the way things ended. I’m not even sure what to say. I’m sorry doesn’t seem strong enough . . . I don’t know. I’m not ready.

“Nothing.” I lie, refilling my glass.

“Come on, who do you think you’re talking to?” he says condescendingly. “I’ve known you for years, and I’ve never seen you so sour. This girl is under your skin, and you can’t stand it.”

The guys fall silent, and I glance over to Kyle, who’s watching me. I know he agrees with James.

“She’s here to do the assignment, and that’s it. There’s nothing going on, and she leaves in a few days.” The topic of her makes me uncomfortable, and I want this conversation to end.

“Well, I happen to think she’s awesome. Gorgeous, too,” he says, leaning back in his chair and throwing his arms behind his head.

“She’s a she-devil,” I mumble to myself, staring at my cards but not really looking at them.

“A what?” he asks.

“Never mind. Look, if you’re worried about some unspoken bro code, don’t. She’s all yours. I’m not interested.” Another lie.

“Whatever you say,” he drawls out and then grabs a praline, inhaling it in one bite.

All four of them start chuckling. I’ve officially heard enough.

Throwing my cards down, I push my chair back. “Today was a long day. I’m beat and I’m gonna turn in.” I look at each of them.

“All right,” James says around a mouthful of food as he stands and holds out his hand. “We’re going to head out before the sun is up tomorrow. Thanks for letting us crash for a few days.” Guilt slips in a little as I clap him on the back. I know I’m being a bit of dick, but I just can’t deal.

“Any time, man. You know it’s always good to see you. Tell Lexi she better get her ass up here soon.” He grins at me, and I move around the table to give Bryan and Jack a handshake and a back slap, too.

“Goes both ways,” he says. “Feel free to get your ass down there to check on my sister.” He pins me with a look of seriousness, and I return it. I know how much she means to him, and I’ll always look out for her.

“I will, don’t you worry. Just take care of yourself and come home soon.”

“Always.” He chuckles, winking at me.

Walking back into the tasting room, I put the scotch behind the bar where I keep a secret stash and set my glass in the sink. Michelle is watching me. Everyone is watching me. I wish they’d cut it out.

Needing some space to breathe, I decide to head to the cliff. When I pull up, the golf cart I gave Shelby to use is already parked under the tree, and the irritation I was already feeling intensifies.

What is she doing here?

Not willing to let her have my spot, I climb out and hike the trail. At the top, I find her sitting near the edge with her knees pulled up to her chest. Her hair is blowing in the breeze, and even though her back is to me, she looks small and vulnerable. The anger I felt at her intrusion dissolves, and another emotion slips in, one I’m not ready to think about or recognize.

“Did you follow me?” She doesn’t even turn around when she says it, but there is an edge to her tone.

“What? No,” I retort as I take a seat next to her.

“Are you sure about that?”

“Shelby, you really need to get over yourself. This is my spot, remember? I showed it to you.”

“Right.” She drops her chin to her knees and stares out straight in front of her.

Leaning back on my elbows, I kick my legs out and cross them at the ankle. The sun has already set and there’s only the remainder of the faint glow behind the western hills.