Page 19 of Wildflowers and Wide Receivers

I have no interest in living permanently somewhere he isn’t. He’s my family, and I’m biding my time until a place opens up for me.

“Do you think about me?” He snaps me back to reality, his boyish features and insecurity pulling on my heartstrings.

I glance down at my food and back to him. My plate is still mostly full, but I’ve lost all of my appetite. “Of course I do,” I tell him, and I mean it. I think about him all the time, but now that I’m being put on the spot, I realize I haven’t thought about him past what we’re doing on a day-to-day basis. I haven’t been dreaming of long term, something I’ve done my whole life, and that is eye-opening and telling.

Once the residency was over, most of my colleagues moved on. Yes, I’m friends with Camille, Missy, Lexi, and a few others, but it was those colleagues who I spent most of my time with, and over the past two years, I really haven’t gone out of my way to make any more. Did I know who Isaac was? Of course, I trained with his physician group, but it wasn’t until I was offered the job that he made his move. He became my friend, and I’ve loved being friends with him.

Friends.

This word strikes a mental chord, and internally, I flinch. A heaviness settles on my heart as I realize I don’t see him in my future. At least not in the way he wants.

“What do you think about?” he asks nervously.

“You’re a nice guy, Isaac. You’re kind, thoughtful, handsome.” Heat floods my cheeks. “I really like you, and I enjoy spending time with you.”

“A nice guy.” He nods his head and lets out a deep sigh.

He’s right.

I’ve thought to myself over and over about how we are casually dating, and now I see that’s all my doing. He wasn’t taking us slow. I wasn’t moving us forward.

His eyes find mine, and they are clear and sharp. He’s made a decision about how he wants to lead this—well, finish it—and I squeeze the napkin on my lap because I’m not sure I want to hear it.

“I don’t think of you as nice. Don’t get me wrong, you are, but I think of you as absolutely amazing and incredible. I’m crazy about you. I think about you so much, it’s like I’m having an entire other relationship with you in my mind. We are not at the same place in this. I want to wrap you up in my arms and shout to the world that you are mine. But after months and months, I don’t know if you are. Are you mine?” he asks, hopeful and pained at the same time.

This causes me to pause, and my mouth opens with the words I want to say to him, but they don’t come.

What is wrong with me?

I adore him.

I know he needs a response from me. He’s politely begging me to give him something, so I answer him honestly because we’ve always been truthful with each other, knowing it’s not the answer he’ll want to hear. Only now, I wonder if I’ve been lying to him and myself all this time, and a huge part of me hates myself as I tell him, “I thought I was.”

Chapter 8

Jonah

“Ican’t believe you got a dog,” Tyler says as he sits down with us at an outside table at a restaurant where we’re eating lunch in Hyde Park Village.

We shouldn’t be outside, but the weather is mild for May, and the skies are a bright blue. Even though this table is a bit secluded, we are out in the open for anyone to walk up and speak to us. Of course, Tyler is as subtle as a bull in a china shop, and all eyes are on him as he’s wearing a Tarpons shirt, giving us away, and he flips his baseball hat around backward, which means now eyes are on both of us. But with the puppy, we can’t be inside. When I’m out with Vivi, sometimes I’m recognized, but more often not. However, throw Tyler into the mix with his six-foot-seven large frame, and people almost always know who we are.

“I blame Reid for this. He’s the one who’s been pushing the idea,” he says as he leans over and ruffles Vivi’s hair while she sits on the ground and encourages the puppy to drink. She always swats at his hand and acts offended that he’s messed her hair up, but secretly, I think she likes it.

“Yeah, well, it was time.”

After two years, Vivi finally started to become friends with this one girl at school, who I found out was also in her dance class, but outside of that, she still kept to herself. She loves Izzy, loves on her whenever they’re together, and I figured Reid was right and it was time for her to have a dog of her own to love on too. She used to be such an affectionate child. I’m hoping this will help bring some of that back or at least be an outlet for her to express herself. Plus, the timing works because we can train her over the summer.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love dogs, and I think all kids should have one. We had one growing up. It was a Lab mix, probably with a pit bull since we got it from an animal shelter, but that dog was the best. A lot of my childhood memories have that dog in them, from hiking to holidays or just lying on the couch.”

“I’m happy to hear you say that since what’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is mine.” I smirk at him and pointedly look down at the puppy.

“Right!” He laughs as the server comes over to take his drink order. Although, I’m not kidding. He’s around so much that it makes sense that he’ll be helping out with the puppy too. And by helping, I mean walking her at night as his payment for eating my food.

“So why now?” he asks. But instead of answering, my eyes widen and my brows rise like he should understand the obvious. In return, his brows pull down in confusion until it dawns on him what today is.

Today is Mother’s Day, and I thought the distraction would be ideal after the week Vivi had at school. I understand why schools do “Moms and Muffins” and other such events, but these things are an awful reminder to her and other kids in her situation or one similar to what she doesn’t have anymore.

So what did I do?