Page 83 of Wildflowers and Wide Receivers

And it’s with this thought that the pain I have doubles at what this means for her.

I hold up my hand and let out a shuddering breath. “I need to go pick up Vivi.”

“Okay,” she says, our eyes holding on to each other, but no more words are said.

Slamming mine shut, I drop the pamphlet and turn to make my way toward the door. I don’t even know what to think right now, as every part of my body is recoiling and protesting. Why wouldn’t she just tell me? Does she not trust me? One of the things that stings the most is that I’ve been completely open with her, and it hurts that she wasn’t with me.

But I know I can’t leave like this.

Looking back over my shoulder, I see she hasn’t moved. She’s standing next to the table with tears in her eyes. Are these tears about me finding out? Are these tears because she knows she’s about to break my heart? Or are these tears because she knows she’s about to break her own?

“Sophie”—my voice is hoarse against the lump in my throat—“I do want to talk about this with you too, okay?”

She nods, and with my heart pounding in my chest after one final lingering look, I pivot, walk out her front door, and leave.

If she leaves, what will I tell Vivi?

She’s already suffered a great loss, and she’s finally starting to open up and show more of her personality that used to shine bright. I don’t know if she’ll take this okay or view it as something worse.

Abandonment.

On the entire drive to the studio, the weight of grief, loss, and uncertainty as to what to do or say next nearly make me immobile. But when I walk into the studio and see Vivi sitting by herself off to the side, all my worries disappear, and I focus on her.

“Uncle Jonah,” Vivi says when she sees me, then she takes off running.

Squatting down to her level, I catch her when she throws herself into my arms and starts silently crying. It’s not hard or loud, but just enough so I know that today is a bad day.

Kelli comes up behind her, sets Vivi’s bag down on the floor, and gives me a look that lets me know she’s sad for my girl.

“Come on, Wildflower. Let’s go home.”

I grab her bag and pick her up. She never removes her face from my neck as I carry her out.

Chapter 33

Sophie

It’s been an hour and a half since Jonah left, and I feel worse than I ever have before. When he realized I had gone to that interview and not told him, the look on his face wasn’t anger but complete and utter sadness.

Sadness that I felt ricochet through all of my bones. A sadness that’s a result of my decisions. A sadness he doesn’t deserve.

I didn’t lie to him. It was an unexpected flight and I did go see my father, I just didn’t tell him the whole truth. I wasn’t ready. I know people say that omission is lying, but I wasn’t sure what I was omitting. I wasn’t afraid of jinxing the situation by telling him, I just didn’t know what to say. Would our conversation have been about the interview? Or that my dream was never to stay here, but has always been to end up back in Minneapolis? How would any of this make him feel? I can tell you, it would have made him feel terrible.

Turns out I made him feel bad anyway.

I guess there really isn’t a way to prevent that, I just wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to discuss what all of this might mean with myself, my future, with him, with anyone. Especially when I don’t know.

I feel like I’m at a fork in the road. I’m living two separate lives. There’s this life that I’ve worked toward for my entire adult life, and then there’s this beautiful life that unexpectedly came out of nowhere. With his career, with mine, and add in Vivi, I don’t see a way for us to be able to make both roads work and that’s what leaves me completely frozen. Emotionally stunted as well as tongue-tied. It’s like everything I have ever wanted is right in front of me, and I just don’t know how to grab it.

But as I stare down the two different roads, I have a sinking feeling there’s one path I don’t even want anymore, and I’m still trying to reconcile that. What does that mean for me? What does that mean for my dad? What about all our plans? Am I just going to blow it up for someone I’ve not even been with that long? This dream that I wanted so bad? I’m thirty-three. Long distance isn’t something that I want, but a family is. Jonah and Vivi could be my family. At least, I think. He hasn’t said it, but I feel it deep in my bones.

Lying in bed, I’m flat on my back in the starfish position when my phone rings. Jonah’s name flashes across the screen, and panic streaks through me. I still don’t think I’m ready to have this conversation with him yet. How can I when I’m trying to figure things out myself?

But I can’t ignore him either. I respect him and quite frankly like him too much.

“Hey,” I say to him, trying not to sound like the sad person that I am even though I’m certain I’ve failed.

“Hey,” he says back, his voice thick and heavy.