Page 78 of Tiger Lilies and Tight Ends

“So don’t. Give it to me.”

And he does.

Chapter 34

Tyler

Tonight, we lost.

And there’s nothing more that I hate than losing.

We played great, too. Did we have a few errors? Yes, but no one plays perfect. At least that’s what I thought until today. Seattle was nearly flawless. And we weren’t.

We knew they were going to be a tough team to beat, and all of us from defense, offense, and special teams watched extra film to make sure we understood their plays, their sequences, and their game, but it didn’t matter.

Should I be this pissed over losing one game? Probably not. But it’s still early, and there goes our dream of a perfect season. Just once, once in my career, do I want that, and I thought this was the team to do it.

When we got back to the hotel, I hit the bar with the guys to commiserate. There’s always a little bit of adrenaline that needs to burn off afterward, win or loss, and you’d think we’d be exhausted, but we’re not. This was a prime-time game, and since we’re on the West Coast, instead of flying back tonight, we’ll all get a little sleep, then head out in the morning. I know Lily is already asleep, and as much as I want to talk to her, I don’t at the same time. I don’t want to wake her, but that something else that’s been lingering holds me back, too. Besides, she leaves in a few days for New York, and I want her to be as rested as possible. At least rested while I’m not there.

This past week with Lily has been a dream come true. We’ve laughed, we’ve opened up more, and I’ve loved so hard on every inch of her body, I don’t even know how she’s walking. At least that’s what it is for me . . . love.

Something I didn’t expect to feel, and if I’m being honest, something I wasn’t sure I would feel again.

However, Tuesday, on the boat, after we woke up from an insatiable afternoon, I found that tightness in my chest almost smotherable.

A tightness that’s continued to have me reversing backward from her and closing myself up when, more than anything, I want us to move forward.

It’s strange too. I can’t pinpoint what’s causing it or how to get rid of it. And as the week dragged on, it just got worse and so did I.

Of course Lily recognized the change in me. She asked me once if I was okay, and while I told her yes, we both knew I was lying. I should be able to talk to her. I just didn’t know what to say. I don’t know what’s causing it or how to get rid of it. All I do know is that the caution flags are still internally flying. They won’t calm down, and I’m hypersensitive to them.

Just thinking about that tightness has me rubbing my chest, and after two beers, I’m ready to call it a night.

I miss her. I miss her something fierce. But something in me feels off. Not once since we’ve been living together have I felt any reservations toward her, but instead of texting her that I miss her so she’ll wake up and find it, I send nothing.

Which also feels shitty.

What is wrong with me?

I rub my chest again.

I need to call Lance. Do I know how he’s going to react when he finds out what I’ve done with his sister? No. But out of everyone in this world, he knows me the most, and he probably can put things into perspective for me. Not just with her, but with what’s wrong with my head. I have to believe that he knows me well enough to know that I would never intentionally mess around with Lily for the fun of it; I’m in it, for as long as she’ll have me, and I’ll tell him that.

Somehow, I get stuck on the elevator with a couple of women here for someone on the team. I don’t know them or who they’re supposed to be with, but they sure know me.

“Hold the door,” someone says, and I stick my hand out, as it’s the polite thing to do. Really, I’d like for it to shut superfast and close them out, but it doesn’t, and I don’t allow it.

“Tyler,” the tall brunette says, smiling at me in a way I don’t like. “Where’s Lily today? We were looking for her and didn’t see her.”

I look over these two girls. They are overly dolled up for going to a football game, which clearly means they’re here for one thing. I’m surprised they know Lily since she keeps to herself, and these girls don’t necessarily look like her type of friend.

I clear my throat. “She didn’t come on this trip.”

“Oh, that’s too bad,” the friend says. “We met her last weekend and had the best time together. She’s just the nicest.”

“She is,” I agree with them but don’t say anything more and decide to stuff my hands in my pockets. This is how rumors get started. I shouldn’t have allowed them into the elevator, or I should have stepped out. Anyone could have seen this, and it would look bad. Just thinking about the headlines of me and two girls headed up on an elevator together makes my stomach turn. At least if there are cameras in here, my body language says it all. I’ll be on my side while you stay on yours.

“We were talking about how crazy it is that she went from one football player to another, when so many of us can’t even meet one. She is one lucky girl and living the life, if you know what I mean.”